These are some stats from our highly recruited and talented football player's!
Woodrow Lee Washington:
6' 8", 310 lbs. Tackle.. From a 4th generation welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children. Mother claims Woodrow and child No. 9 have same father.
He has a manslaughter trial pending, but feels he will be found innocent because: "The dude said sumpin' bad 'bout my Momma." On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20/20.
Signed with University of Tennessee
Willie "Night Train" Smith:
6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old.
Thinks the "N" on Nebraska 's helmets stands for "Nowledge," but still meets his new school's stringent entrance requirements....
Insists on wearing No. 32 jersey since it matches his score on his SAT's.
Signed with the University of Alabama
Tyrone "Python" Peoples:
6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9 victims will file charges.
Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six other colleges, but was also willing to sign with us. Likes wild women and red Cadillac's. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company.
Signed with University of Georgia
Abdul Hasheem Abba Ali:
6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball under the name Sylvester Lee Jones until he discovered religion.
Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville... Doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear." (Doesn't know the meaning of many other words, either.)
Signed with the University of Florida
Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above signees in their track programs. However, instead of using a starting gun at track meets, the NCAA has now agreed to allow the use of a burglar alarm.