computer tech support jokes


  1. Posts : 7
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1

    computer tech support jokes


    Actual Calls to Computer Technical Support Reps

    Get the right computer - 1

    Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?

    Tech support: OK, You've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
    Customer: Yeah....

    Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
    Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....

    Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

    Get the right computer - 2

    Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

    Female customer: A white one...

    Change of Mind

    Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me.'
    Advisor: 'I will remove them for you.'

    Customer: 'How do I get them back when she is not in?'

    Step 1...

    Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
    Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

    Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
    Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

    Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it into the computer yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

    Amusing Password Logic

    During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

    "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyParis"

    When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.



    Seeing Stars

    Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
    Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

    Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
    Customer: Five stars.

    Touch and Go

    Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

    Circular argument

    Tech support: How may I help you?
    Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

    Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
    Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

    Local difficulty

    Customer: My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can't get in.
    Advisor: Has he forgotten it?
    Customer: No he just won't tell me it because I've grounded him.

    Language difficulty

    Customer: 'How do you spell 'Internet America' ? Is there a space between 'inter' and 'net' ?'
    Tech Support: 'No space between 'inter' and 'net' . It's spelled normally.'

    Customer: 'Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?' Tech Support: 'That's A-M-E-R-I-C-A.' Customer: 'I-C-K???'
    Tech Support: 'A as in apple' Customer: 'There's no 'K' in apple!'

    No comment

    Customer: I met a man on the internet, can you give me his phone number?

    ¤¤

    Will and Guy's - Tech Support Jokes

    We have selected the best ten Tech Support Jokes. They were take by advisors at BT, HP and Dell.

    1) Customer: 'My disk ran out of space when trying to save my Word document, so I changed it from double spaced to single spaced and it still wouldn't fit!'

    2) Advisor: 'Press any key to continue.
    Customer: I can't find the 'Any' key.

    3) Great Vision
    3a) Tech Support: 'Ok, in the bottom left of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
    Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'

    3b) Advisor: Can you click on 'My Computer'?
    Customer: I don't have your computer, just mine.

    3c) Advisor: You have Spyware on your machine which is causing the problem.
    Customer: Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?

    3d) Customer: My family in Australia use BT Softphone, I can see them but they can't see me.
    Advisor: What brand is your webcam?
    Customer: What's a webcam?



    4) No Saving Grace
    Customer: 'All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!'
    Tech Support: 'Do you remember what directory you first saved them in?'

    Customer: 'No, I don't . I just know it was on my C: drive.'
    Tech Support: 'Ok, I'll walk you through how to find the files.'

    Customer: 'I wouldn't think I would be losing files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday.'

    5) Tricky Install
    Customer: 'Do I need a computer to use your software?'
    Tech Support: 'Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?'
    Customer: 'Yes.'

    Tech Support: 'All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?'
    Customer: 'How?'

    Tech Support: 'Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer.'
    Customer: 'Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this'

    Tech Support: 'Um yes, that might be an idea.'

    6) Customer: My iPod will only play one song.
    Advisor: Which other tracks have you downloaded from iTunes?
    Customer: Do I need to download tracks?

    7) Tech Support: 'Have you made backups of your software and data?'
    Customer: 'I didn't know it had a reverse.'

    8) Customer: How do I change channel on my monitor?
    Advisor: Your monitor won't have channels like a TV.
    Customer: But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel.

    9) Customer: My mouse mat isn't wired up.
    Advisor: I'm not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn't have any wires.
    Customer: Well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?

    ®

    Another Batch of Funny Support Calls

    Give Microsoft a chance

    Customer: 'I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word.'

    Tech Support: 'Tell me what You've done.'
    Customer: 'I typed A:SETUP.'

    Tech Support: 'Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.'
    Customer: 'It says [PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'.

    Tech Support: 'Insert the MS Word setup disk.'
    Customer: 'What?'

    Tech Support: 'Did you buy Microsoft Word?'
    Customer: 'No...'

    Dial Tone

    Tech Support: 'Thank you for calling. May I have your phone number beginning with area code first, please?' There was a pregnant pause, then a series of touch tones.

    Tech Support: 'Hello? I need your phone number, please'. More touch tones.

    Tech Support: 'Hi, can you hear me?'
    Customer: 'Yes.'

    Tech Support: 'Great, then can you please tell me your phone number so I can pull up your file?' More touch tones.

    Tech Support: 'Sir, what's your name?'
    Customer: Malcolm

    Tech Support: 'Great, now can you tell me your phone number?' Touch tones again.

    Tech Support: 'Please, tell me your phone number.'
    Customer: 'Again?'

    Tech Support: 'Yes sir, if you don't mind, but can you please just tell me verbally?' Touch tones yet again.

    Tech Support: 'Sir, contrary to popular opinion, support is not half machine. I'll need you to verbally tell me your phone number with your mouth so I can bring up your account info, got it?'
    Customer: 'You people are rude as well as incompetent.'
      My Computer


  2. Posts : 53,363
    Windows 10 Home x64
       #2

    This is an internet myth, but probably the most famous tech support one.

    This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

    Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

    Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

    Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

    CS: "What sort of trouble?"

    C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

    CS: "Went away?"

    C: "They disappeared."

    CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

    C: "Nothing."

    CS: "Nothing?"

    C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

    CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

    C: "How do I tell?"

    CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

    C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

    CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

    C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

    CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

    C: "What's a monitor?"

    CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

    C: "I don't know."

    CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

    C: "Yes, I think so."

    CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

    C: ".......Yes, it is."

    CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

    C: "No."

    CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

    C: ".......Okay, here it is."

    CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

    "I can't reach."

    CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

    C: "No."

    CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

    C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

    CS: "Dark?"

    C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

    CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."

    C: "I can't."

    CS: "No? Why not?"

    C: "Because there's a power outage."

    CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

    C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

    CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

    C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

    CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

    C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

    CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

    A Guy
      My Computer


  3. Posts : 474
    Windows 7 Enterprise x64 SP1
       #3
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 97
    XP
       #4

    Good ones
      My Computer


  5. Posts : 1,641
    Dual-boot: Windows 7 HP 32-bit SP1 & Windows XP Pro 32-bit SP2.
       #5

      My Computer


  6. Posts : 8,135
    Windows 10 64 bit
       #6

    Having managed a LAN/WAN Network and Hardware Help Desk for 23 years (from 1973 until I retried in 96), I've heard a lot of stupid stuff, but never anything that has circulated around the internet about Help Desk calls.
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 3,322
    Windows 8.1 Pro x64
       #7

    A Guy said:
    This is an internet myth, but probably the most famous tech support one.

    This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

    Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

    Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

    Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

    CS: "What sort of trouble?"

    C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

    CS: "Went away?"

    C: "They disappeared."

    CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

    C: "Nothing."

    CS: "Nothing?"

    C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

    CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

    C: "How do I tell?"

    CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

    C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

    CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

    C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

    CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

    C: "What's a monitor?"

    CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

    C: "I don't know."

    CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

    C: "Yes, I think so."

    CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

    C: ".......Yes, it is."

    CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

    C: "No."

    CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

    C: ".......Okay, here it is."

    CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

    "I can't reach."

    CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

    C: "No."

    CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

    C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

    CS: "Dark?"

    C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

    CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."

    C: "I can't."

    CS: "No? Why not?"

    C: "Because there's a power outage."

    CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

    C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

    CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

    C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

    CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

    C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

    CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

    A Guy
    I think it's hard to tell whether it is true or not, because the tech support in the story has changed quite a few times. First time I heard it, it was from a Dell tech support, but nonetheless it's still funny
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 851
    Windows 8 Professional x64
       #8

      My Computer


 

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