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Windows 7: computer tech support jokes

20 Jul 2010   #1

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 
computer tech support jokes

Actual Calls to Computer Technical Support Reps

Get the right computer - 1

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?

Tech support: OK, You've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....

Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....

Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

Get the right computer - 2

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...

Change of Mind

Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me.'
Advisor: 'I will remove them for you.'

Customer: 'How do I get them back when she is not in?'

Step 1...

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it into the computer yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

Amusing Password Logic

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyParis"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.



Seeing Stars

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

Touch and Go

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Circular argument

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

Local difficulty

Customer: My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can't get in.
Advisor: Has he forgotten it?
Customer: No he just won't tell me it because I've grounded him.

Language difficulty

Customer: 'How do you spell 'Internet America' ? Is there a space between 'inter' and 'net' ?'
Tech Support: 'No space between 'inter' and 'net' . It's spelled normally.'

Customer: 'Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?' Tech Support: 'That's A-M-E-R-I-C-A.' Customer: 'I-C-K???'
Tech Support: 'A as in apple' Customer: 'There's no 'K' in apple!'

No comment

Customer: I met a man on the internet, can you give me his phone number?

¤¤

Will and Guy's - Tech Support Jokes

We have selected the best ten Tech Support Jokes. They were take by advisors at BT, HP and Dell.

1) Customer: 'My disk ran out of space when trying to save my Word document, so I changed it from double spaced to single spaced and it still wouldn't fit!'

2) Advisor: 'Press any key to continue.
Customer: I can't find the 'Any' key.

3) Great Vision
3a) Tech Support: 'Ok, in the bottom left of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'

3b) Advisor: Can you click on 'My Computer'?
Customer: I don't have your computer, just mine.

3c) Advisor: You have Spyware on your machine which is causing the problem.
Customer: Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?

3d) Customer: My family in Australia use BT Softphone, I can see them but they can't see me.
Advisor: What brand is your webcam?
Customer: What's a webcam?



4) No Saving Grace
Customer: 'All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!'
Tech Support: 'Do you remember what directory you first saved them in?'

Customer: 'No, I don't . I just know it was on my C: drive.'
Tech Support: 'Ok, I'll walk you through how to find the files.'

Customer: 'I wouldn't think I would be losing files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday.'

5) Tricky Install
Customer: 'Do I need a computer to use your software?'
Tech Support: 'Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?'
Customer: 'Yes.'

Tech Support: 'All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?'
Customer: 'How?'

Tech Support: 'Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer.'
Customer: 'Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this'

Tech Support: 'Um yes, that might be an idea.'

6) Customer: My iPod will only play one song.
Advisor: Which other tracks have you downloaded from iTunes?
Customer: Do I need to download tracks?

7) Tech Support: 'Have you made backups of your software and data?'
Customer: 'I didn't know it had a reverse.'

8) Customer: How do I change channel on my monitor?
Advisor: Your monitor won't have channels like a TV.
Customer: But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel.

9) Customer: My mouse mat isn't wired up.
Advisor: I'm not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn't have any wires.
Customer: Well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?

®

Another Batch of Funny Support Calls

Give Microsoft a chance

Customer: 'I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word.'

Tech Support: 'Tell me what You've done.'
Customer: 'I typed A:SETUP.'

Tech Support: 'Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.'
Customer: 'It says [PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'.

Tech Support: 'Insert the MS Word setup disk.'
Customer: 'What?'

Tech Support: 'Did you buy Microsoft Word?'
Customer: 'No...'

Dial Tone

Tech Support: 'Thank you for calling. May I have your phone number beginning with area code first, please?' There was a pregnant pause, then a series of touch tones.

Tech Support: 'Hello? I need your phone number, please'. More touch tones.

Tech Support: 'Hi, can you hear me?'
Customer: 'Yes.'

Tech Support: 'Great, then can you please tell me your phone number so I can pull up your file?' More touch tones.

Tech Support: 'Sir, what's your name?'
Customer: Malcolm

Tech Support: 'Great, now can you tell me your phone number?' Touch tones again.

Tech Support: 'Please, tell me your phone number.'
Customer: 'Again?'

Tech Support: 'Yes sir, if you don't mind, but can you please just tell me verbally?' Touch tones yet again.

Tech Support: 'Sir, contrary to popular opinion, support is not half machine. I'll need you to verbally tell me your phone number with your mouth so I can bring up your account info, got it?'
Customer: 'You people are rude as well as incompetent.'

My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

21 Jul 2010   #2

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

This is an internet myth, but probably the most famous tech support one.

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

CS: "What sort of trouble?"

C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

CS: "Went away?"

C: "They disappeared."

CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

C: "Nothing."

CS: "Nothing?"

C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

C: "How do I tell?"

CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

C: "What's a monitor?"

CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

C: "I don't know."

CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

C: "Yes, I think so."

CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

C: ".......Yes, it is."

CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

C: "No."

CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

C: ".......Okay, here it is."

CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

C: "No."

CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

CS: "Dark?"

C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."

C: "I can't."

CS: "No? Why not?"

C: "Because there's a power outage."

CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Jul 2010   #3

Windows 7 Enterprise x64 SP1
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
.


23 Jul 2010   #4

 

Good ones
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Jul 2010   #5

Dual-boot: Windows 7 HP 32-bit SP1 & Windows XP Pro 32-bit SP2.
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Jul 2010   #6

Windows 7, 64 bit Home SP1, Win 8.1.1 Pro 64 bit
 
 

Having managed a LAN/WAN Network and Hardware Help Desk for 23 years (from 1973 until I retried in 96), I've heard a lot of stupid stuff, but never anything that has circulated around the internet about Help Desk calls.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Jul 2010   #7

Windows 8.1 Professional x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by A Guy View Post
This is an internet myth, but probably the most famous tech support one.

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

CS: "What sort of trouble?"

C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

CS: "Went away?"

C: "They disappeared."

CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

C: "Nothing."

CS: "Nothing?"

C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

C: "How do I tell?"

CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

C: "What's a monitor?"

CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

C: "I don't know."

CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

C: "Yes, I think so."

CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

C: ".......Yes, it is."

CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

C: "No."

CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

C: ".......Okay, here it is."

CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

C: "No."

CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

CS: "Dark?"

C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."

C: "I can't."

CS: "No? Why not?"

C: "Because there's a power outage."

CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

A Guy
I think it's hard to tell whether it is true or not, because the tech support in the story has changed quite a few times. First time I heard it, it was from a Dell tech support, but nonetheless it's still funny
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Jul 2010   #8

Windows 8 Professional x64
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
Reply

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