Well, I got it working with Windows Live Photo Gallery. Thanks, Phone Man!
The problem is this: No matter what I did, autoplay still doesn't work. WHS- Thanks for that link...... I followed the directions, but even after employing both method 1 and method 2, autoplay still doesn't work.
GRRR! Oh, and for some reason paint grays out my camera option even with one plugged in, as well.
Fortunately, the link and the from scanner or camera in Live Photo Gallery does, however. Yay.
Still... what... is up? I feel like Windows is turning into brokenland.