got everything figured out and installed, i'm pretty sure that one of my sticks of ram is bad because when i removed it the first time it did not help the installation but a day later i tried the same thing and it worked! thanks for all of the help and suggestions, i really appreciate it!
Sometimes you can get dust or debris in the RAM slots which takes a microscopic inspection to see and remove. Google says to use a rubber pencil eraser to remove it - I use a can of air and luck. This is often why reseating RAM will help.