HP dv6-2170us will not play sound from either onboard speakers OR

^ headphones, but will through HDMI

Right click the speaker icon in the lower right, then select Playback devices from the menu. When the small window pops up, see if there's a green check mark on Speakers. If not, click on Speakers then click on Set as Default. Click Apply, then OK.

i did that and it registers as having sound coming through them and there's a green checkmark next to it, but still no sound through headphones OR onboard speakers

Are your sound levels turned up?

On the laptop check some of the FN keys to make sure that the sound is not turned off or muted. The numerical keys accross the top. I know with my laptop to adjust the volume I have to hit the FN key plus the speaker up key to increase the volume

Note: the key I like in particular is the FN+touchpad symbol. This temporally disables the touch pad so when my thumbs accidentally hit the touch pad while typing my mouse pointer doesn't go berserk and the screen doesn't shift or get deleted.

the volume is maxed out and im listening to the H2 theme through a monitor plugged into via hdmi and there is no FN volume options, just a slider bar above the keyboard area

Post snips of your Speaker Properties under the Level tab and the first window under Speaker Configuration.

All laptops have the FN key. It's generally located on the left hand side next to the windows key and Alt key. Then there are combinations with that FN Key that correspond to actions. For example...the FN+f6 key on my laptop will turn off the sound. Some of those f-keys (the top row of keys on your laptops keyboard) will have symbols on them.

If you're hearing sound from the external monitor through the HDMI cable and not through the laptop...to me that's a good indicator that the sound has been muted or turned off on the laptop. Or you are missing your sound driver. You can download all your latest drivers from HP's website.

Software & Driver Downloads HP Pavilion dv6-2170us Entertainment Notebook PC - HP Customer Care (United States - English)

I said that the volume is not controlled by the FN key, not that i dont have one and that it is controlled by a touch button for mute and a touch slider thing for volume+-