Jokes Thread 2

Mike,
I am a slooooooooooooooooooowwww readdddddddddderrrrrrrrrrrr!
Comprehension is not much better.

I posted that joke just for you as a reminder that I am doing my share to cut back...
Are you???? hehehhe

OLE Fills In

A doctor in Nor' Dakota wanted to getoff work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.




'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'

'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: 'So, Ole, How was your day?'

Ole told him that he took care ofthree patients. 'The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'

'Bravo, mate, and the second one?' asks the doctor.

'The second one had stomach burning and I gave himMAALOX, sir,' says Ole.

'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the Doctor.






'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her panties and liesdown on the table and shouts: 'HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in over two years!!'





'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole,what did you do?' asks the doctor.

J


'I put drops in her eyes!!


Attachment 137573

LPt
Taking lessons from Pebbly I see.

A man is in the doctor's office for a check up. After completing a series of tests the doctor says, I have some good news and some bad news. A little worried the man says well tell me the bad news. The doctor says you have terminal cancer and I estimate only about 3 weeks to live. Completely devastated the man asks so what is the good news? The doctor leans toward him and says you see that young lady? pointing to his receptionist. The man says yes, what about her? The doctor smiles and says I'm banging her.

iseeuu said:

The weather here is never boring!

You got that right, and this month has proved it once again. This time next week it may be 70, or like it is this morning, -10.

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
"Really ?", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"

Don't tell me you're still 27, Kathryn.

Pebbly is really struggling to find good jokes....This one is older than I am.

Dwarf said:

Don't tell me you're still 27, Kathryn.

Kathryn is 37 and still looking for that goblin!

Here is one that the woman I used to work with told me.

WARNING: Contains theme's of an adult nature.

Three sailors are on shore leave, as they have a little money in their pockets, they decide to go to a brothel. Before long they find one that looks good, the sign outside says "£1 per inch."

So, the first sailor goes in to try it out, when he comes out his friends ask "So, was it good? how much did you pay?"
The sailor replies "£6"
Deciding that this is a good deal, the 2nd sailor goes in, when he comes out his friends say to him "How much did you pay then?"
"£7" he replies.
So, the third sailor goes in, when he comes out and they ask him how much he paid he replies "£3".
The 1st sailor exclaims "What? Hang on, I paid £6, he paid £7, how did you get away with only paying £3?"
The 3rd sailor replies, "Well I'm not stupid, I paid afterwards"