Jokes Thread 2


  1. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #1011

    It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
    At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
    "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Screw him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
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  2. Posts : 1,364
    Win7 Ultimate x64
       #1012

    Excellent Miss K.
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  3. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #1013

    It's a beautiful warm day and a man and his wife are at the Zoo.
    She's wearing a cute loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.
    As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large
    gorilla, the beast goes crazy. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with
    one hand and his feet, grunting and pounding his chest with his free hand.
    The gorilla is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.
    The husband, noticing the excitement, proposes that his wife tease
    the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her
    bottom, and play along. She does, and the gorilla gets even more excited,
    making noises that would wake the dead.
    Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall. She
    does, and the gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. "Now try
    lifting your dress up your thighs." This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
    Suddenly, the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the cage
    door, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the door shut.
    "Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"
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  4. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #1014

    pebbly said:
    "Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"
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  5. Posts : 22,814
    W 7 64-bit Ultimate
       #1015

    Kari said:
    pebbly said:
    "Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"


    LMAO that's a good one! :)
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  6. Posts : 9,582
    Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
       #1016

    pebbly said:
    "Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"


    You're truly back on top form, Kathryn.
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  7. Posts : 3,302
    Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
       #1017

    pebbly said:
    It's a beautiful warm day and a man and his wife are at the Zoo.
    She's wearing a cute loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.
    As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large
    gorilla, the beast goes crazy. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with
    one hand and his feet, grunting and pounding his chest with his free hand.
    The gorilla is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.
    The husband, noticing the excitement, proposes that his wife tease
    the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her
    bottom, and play along. She does, and the gorilla gets even more excited,
    making noises that would wake the dead.
    Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall. She
    does, and the gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. "Now try
    lifting your dress up your thighs." This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
    Suddenly, the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the cage
    door, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the door shut.
    "Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"
    Was having a bad day until i saw this
    thankyou
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  8. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1018

    danny,
    Any day above ground is a great day so you couldn't be having a bad one!!
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  9. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #1019

    Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He
    tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks
    when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence
    returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is
    watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again.
    He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner,
    he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the
    parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the
    parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot:
    "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for
    a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The
    parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rotweiller Jesus."
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 3,302
    Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
       #1020

    The Howling Wolves said:
    danny,
    Any day above ground is a great day so you couldn't be having a bad one!!
    Too True (But i live in a cave lol)

    Danny
      My Computer


 

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