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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

13 Feb 2011   #1031
andsome

 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Feb 2011   #1032
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Not that well...when I fired the pistol, my wife peed in my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Feb 2011   #1033
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Not that well...when I fired the pistol, my wife peed in my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
Pebbly,

Going to ask PooMankUK to add Jokes Thread 2-ngpeb.png to you sig permanently!!


My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

13 Feb 2011   #1034
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Not that well...when I fired the pistol, my wife peed in my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"


Gets my seal of approval.

Also the approve!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Feb 2011   #1035
kronckew

Win 7 ultimate x64 sp1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by andsome View Post
not true, but still a funny story from the early 20th century (or earlier)

SNOPES re: Lighthouse
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Feb 2011   #1036
Kari

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by kronckew View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by andsome View Post
not true, but still a funny story from the early 20th century (or earlier)

SNOPES re: Lighthouse
That YouTube video is only a TV commercial shown in Sweden and Finland, about navigation equipment from Silva Ab, a Swedish company: Start - Silva

Kari
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Feb 2011   #1037
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

A woman had been married to her husband for 10 years and had always wondered about his peculiar habit. Whenever they had sex, he always insisted they do it in total darkness. This began to eat on her nerves over the years, so finally she decided to see what was going on.

That night, as they were about to have sex, she flipped on the light, and there was her husband, holding a cucumber between his legs.

"What the hell are you doing?" she yelled. "You mean for all these years you've been using one of those whenever we have sex????"

"Well....yes" admitted the husband sheepishly.

"You sneaky, no good SOB!!!" she screamed. "I just can't believe this!"

The husband looked at her calmly and said "Speaking of sneaky....how do you explain our 3 kids???"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Feb 2011   #1038
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?" The wife replies, "It's my husband -- he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave him if he continues!" "How does he drive you crazy?" "For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."

The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?" "He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!" "Hmm, anything else?" probes the counselor further. The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"

"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now." So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters. The counselor tells him, "Your wife says that you've been driving her crazy. She might even leave you." The husband looks shocked, "WHAT? For 20 years I've been loving and considerate and I've always given her what she wants! What could be the problem?"

The counselor explains, "She says that you've got these habits that are driving her crazy. First, you're always acting strange in public--looking at the floor and never going near anyone else." The husband looks concerned, "Oh, you don't understand! It's one of the few things my father told me to do in his deathbed and I swore I'd obey everything he said." "What did he say?"

"He said that I should never step on anyone's toes!" The counselor looks amused, "Actually, that means that you should not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry." The husband looks sheepish, "Oh. Okay." The counselor continues, "And you keep picking your nose in public." "Well, its another thing my father specifically commanded me to do! He told me to always keep my nose clean."

The counselor looks faint, "That means that you should not indulge in any criminal activity." "Oh," says the husband looking very stupid. "And finally, she says that you never allow her to be on top during your lovemaking."

"This," says the husband seriously, "is the last thing my father commanded me to do on his deathbed and it's the most important thing." "What did he say?" The husband replies, "In his dying breath, he said. Don't screw up."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Feb 2011   #1039
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to......to....cut it off are you?!" The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Feb 2011   #1040
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

"In his dying breath, he said. Don't screw up."

and this my friends is why Pebbly was angry when she left the counselors office!
Jokes Thread 2-funny-gif.gif


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