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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

14 Feb 2011   #1041
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
"In his dying breath, he said. Don't screw up."

and this my friends is why Pebbly was angry when she left the counselors office!
Attachment 138384
very good THW
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Feb 2011   #1042
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
"In his dying breath, he said. Don't screw up."

and this my friends is why Pebbly was angry when she left the counselors office!
Attachment 138384
very good THW
There's not a great deal to add to that!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Feb 2011   #1043
profdlp

Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
 
 

Since we seem to be telling all the naughty ones...

This guy comes home and catches his wife in bed with the next-door-neighbor. Furious, he shouts "Just what in the heck is going on here?!!!"

His wife looks at her lover and says "See, I told you he was stupid."
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.

14 Feb 2011   #1044
mickey megabyte

ultimate 64 sp1
 
 

you crack me up prof

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14 Feb 2011   #1045
nithig

Windows 7 Pro 64bit SP1
 
 

Just what I needed today ... a good belly laugh!

Thanks guys!

The only joke I can think of is one my granddaughter told me (she's 4).

Will you remember me tomorrow? Yes of course I will.
Will you remember me next week? Yes of course I will.
Will you remember me next month? Yes of course I will.

Knock, knock. Who's there?
Oh ... you've forgotten me already!
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16 Feb 2011   #1046
andsome

 

SPANK YES or NO You will love this!

.Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.



Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. The mother pushed and pushed, and after a little while, baby brother was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and patted him on his bottom and the baby let out a cry.


The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.


Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Spank him again!"
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16 Feb 2011   #1047
beauparc

Windows 7 64 bit
 
 

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Feb 2011   #1048
beauparc

Windows 7 64 bit
 
 

A young man got onto a bus and took a seat beside a most beautiful redhead.

"Hi", he said as he sat down.

"Hello", she replied, "It's a nice day, isn't it? I saw my psychiatrist today and he said that I had a problem."

"What sort of problem?", asked the young man.

"I can't tell you", replied the beautiful young thing. "I don't even know you."

"Well, sometimes it's good to talk over your problems with a perfect stranger", he replied.

"Well", she said, "my psychiatrist said that I'm a nymphomaniac who only likes to have sex with Jewish cowboys. By the way, my name's Shirley."

"Pleased to meet you, Shirley", replied to young man. "My name's Hopalong Goldberg."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Feb 2011   #1049
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by beauparc View Post
A young man got onto a bus and took a seat beside a most beautiful redhead.

"Hi", he said as he sat down.

"Hello", she replied, "It's a nice day, isn't it? I saw my psychiatrist today and he said that I had a problem."

"What sort of problem?", asked the young man.

"I can't tell you", replied the beautiful young thing. "I don't even know you."

"Well, sometimes it's good to talk over your problems with a perfect stranger", he replied.

"Well", she said, "my psychiatrist said that I'm a nymphomaniac who only likes to have sex with Jewish cowboys. By the way, my name's Shirley."

"Pleased to meet you, Shirley", replied to young man. "My name's Hopalong Goldberg."
Someone call????

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16 Feb 2011   #1050
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Hopalong X View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by beauparc View Post
A young man got onto a bus and took a seat beside a most beautiful redhead.

"Hi", he said as he sat down.

"Hello", she replied, "It's a nice day, isn't it? I saw my psychiatrist today and he said that I had a problem."

"What sort of problem?", asked the young man.

"I can't tell you", replied the beautiful young thing. "I don't even know you."

"Well, sometimes it's good to talk over your problems with a perfect stranger", he replied.

"Well", she said, "my psychiatrist said that I'm a nymphomaniac who only likes to have sex with Jewish cowboys. By the way, my name's Shirley."

"Pleased to meet you, Shirley", replied to young man. "My name's Hopalong Goldberg."
Someone call????


When I saw that guess who I thought of?
My name's Hopalong Goldberg and I ride a big white horse! hehehe
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