Jokes Thread 2


  1. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #1051

    beauparc said:
    "Pleased to meet you, Shirley", replied to young man. "My name's Hopalong Goldberg."


    Hopalong X said:
    Someone call????

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  2. whs
    Posts : 26,213
    Vista, Windows7, Mint Mate, Zorin, Windows 8
       #1052

    The Pastor's Ass

    Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

    The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

    The local paper read:


    PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT


    The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pasto
    r
    not to enter the donkey in another race..

    The next day, the local paper headline read:

    BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS


    This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get
    rid of the donkey.

    The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby Convent.

    The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:


    NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN


    The Bishop fainted!

    He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she Sold it to a farmer for $10.

    The next day the papers read:


    NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10


    This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
    donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

    The next day the headlines read:


    NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE


    The Bishop was buried the next day.

    The moral of the story is ....

    Being concerned about public opinion can
    Bring you much grief and misery.. It can even shorten your life...

    ..So be yourself and enjoy life to the fullest.

    Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
    You'll be a lot happier and live longer!


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  3. Posts : 86
    Windows 7 Ultimate x64
       #1053
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  4. Posts : 208
    Windows 7 64 bit
       #1054

    Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.

    "Itís a very handy thing" God told the couple, "and I was wondering if either one of you wanted that abilty."

    Adam jumped up and blurted "Oh, give that to me! Iíd love to be able to do that. It seems the sort of thing a man would do. Please give me that ability. Itíd be so great. When Iím working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let fly. Itíd be sooo cool. I could write my name in the sand. Please, God, let it be me you give the gift to, let me stand to pee, oh please."

    Eve just smiled and said that if Adam really wanted that so bad that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make Adam really happy, and she didnít mind if Adam were the one to get this ability. Adam was happy, and proceeded to wash down the bark of the nearest tree, laughing with glee all the while.

    "Fine", God said, looking back into his bag of leftovers. "Whatís left here?"

    "Oh, yes. Multiple orgasms."
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  5. Posts : 11,991
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #1055

    pebbly said:

    "Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"
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  6. Posts : 2,737
    Windows 7 Enterprise (x64); Windows Server 2008 R2 (x64)
       #1056

    beauparc said:
    Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.

    "Itís a very handy thing" God told the couple, "and I was wondering if either one of you wanted that abilty."

    Adam jumped up and blurted "Oh, give that to me! Iíd love to be able to do that. It seems the sort of thing a man would do. Please give me that ability. Itíd be so great. When Iím working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let fly. Itíd be sooo cool. I could write my name in the sand. Please, God, let it be me you give the gift to, let me stand to pee, oh please."

    Eve just smiled and said that if Adam really wanted that so bad that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make Adam really happy, and she didnít mind if Adam were the one to get this ability. Adam was happy, and proceeded to wash down the bark of the nearest tree, laughing with glee all the while.

    "Fine", God said, looking back into his bag of leftovers. "Whatís left here?"
    "Oh, yes. Multiple orgasms."
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  7. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #1057

    For the Ladies of the forum!


    Eve had red hair and liked Jewish cowboys named Hopalong Goldberg!

    Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!
    Doesn't this look like jfar?
    Last edited by Hopalong X; 18 Feb 2011 at 21:24.
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  8. Posts : 1,364
    Win7 Ultimate x64
       #1058

    Hopalong X said:
    Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!
    Done by one of my favourites, Big & Rich.
    (Got the cd) :)
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  9. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #1059

    Hee Haw! Click to read the pic. Sorry it wouldn't paste the first upload.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Jokes Thread 2-family.png  
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  10. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1060

    Hopalong X said:
    Hee Haw! Click to read the pic. Sorry it wouldn't paste the first upload.
    I need a box of tissue as this is a very sad story.....
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