Jokes Thread 2

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican and as they are - THE - seven dwarfs,
they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.
Dopey, my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in
Rome?"
The pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment
and answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around
and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back, "Your Worship,
are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers,
"No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey
turns around and silences them with an angry glare. Dopey turns back and
says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in
the world?"
"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the
floor, tears rolling down their checks as they begin chanting......."Dopey
screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a penguin!"

pebbly said:

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican and as they are - THE - seven dwarfs,
they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.
Dopey, my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in
Rome?"
The pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment
and answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around
and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back, "Your Worship,
are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers,
"No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey
turns around and silences them with an angry glare. Dopey turns back and
says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in
the world?"
"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the
floor, tears rolling down their checks as they begin chanting......."Dopey
screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a penguin!"

Olmost feel of my chair

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him
out of 10 million bucks.

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the
first place.

It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to
testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10
million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks
is that he embezzled from me."

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is..

Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are
talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says,
"Ask him again !"

The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Enzo signs back, "OK. You win ! The money is in a brown briefcase,
buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge !"

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say ?"

The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

There were 7 dwarves in a room feeling happy.

So Happy left.

John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a
10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The catch was, though, pets
weren't allowed on the cruise. So John decided to leave his cat
with his best friend, Al.

Al agreed to come over to John's house and live with his mom for
the duration of the cruise. John told Al, "Just feed the cat three
meals a day, and take good care of him. He's my prize-winning
cat!" And with that, he left.

The next day, John phoned Al on his cell phone and asked, "How are
things?" To which Al responded, "Things are fine."

"How's Mom?"

"Mom's fine."

"How's the cat?"

"The cat's fine." Satisfied, John hung up.


Next day, John called Al again, asking the same questions.

"How are things?"

"Things are fine."

"How's Mom?"

"Mom's fine."

"How's the cat?"

"The cat's DEAD."

"WHAT?!?" John was quite distressed. "How could you let it die?
It was my prize cat!"

"Well, John, I'm sorry, but I couldn't do anything, I didn't see
it. But what I think happened was that the cat was on the roof,
fell off, and broke his leg. Then, he hobbled out into the road,
and got run over."

John was cooling down a bit now, and said, "Well, couldn't you
have tried to break it to me over time? You could have said it
bit by bit. For example, you could have first said 'The cat's on
the roof', then the next day said 'The cat fell off the roof, and
broke its leg', see what I'm saying."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. See you later, John."

"Ok... bye." John hung up.

The next day, John phoned Al again.

"How are things?"

"Things are fine."

"How's Mom?"

"Umh," Al said, "Mom's on the roof."

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to
do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight
guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117
and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over,
Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there
before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to
next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home
early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it
go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

A woman asks her husband, 'Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?'

He declines. 'Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra,' he says. 'It's really taken the edge off my appetite.'

At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something . . . . . 'a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a hamburger?'

He declines. 'The Viagra,' he says, 'really trashes my desire for food.'

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. 'Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken ..

He declines again . .. . 'No,' he says, 'it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry.' . . . . .

'Well,' she says, 'Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving.'

A 7-year old and a 4-year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?," says the 7-year old, "I think it's about time we
start swearing." The 4-year old nods his head in approval.
"When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say hell, and you say
ass, ok?" "Ok." the 4-year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7-year old what he wants
for breakfast.
"Aw, hell, mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor,
got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looks at the 4-year old and asked with a stern voice, "and what do
YOU want for breakfast, young man?!"
"I don't know", he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it wont be Cheerios."

pebbly said:

A 7-year old and a 4-year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?," says the 7-year old, "I think it's about time we
start swearing...

pebbly said:

"but you can bet your ass it wont be Cheerios."

That is just tooo funny.

I had to send that to my brother, sister and cousin. LOL