Jokes Thread 2


  1. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1091

    Ouch!!!!

    If I could only find that bag and have it sewn back on!
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  2. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #1092


    Don't eat the Texas jalapenos!

    Singed the hair right off my Avatar!
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  3. Posts : 346
    Windows 7 Pro X64
       #1093

    pebbly said:
    A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again. The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?" The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?" The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."
    That was a G1 Thanks :)
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  4. Posts : 966
    Windows 7 Enterprise
       #1094

    A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
    The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
    The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'
    The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
    The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
    The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
    The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.
    The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."
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  5. Posts : 22,814
    W 7 64-bit Ultimate
       #1095

    xarden said:
    The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

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  6. Posts : 4,198
    Windows 10 Pro
       #1096

    Bare Foot Kid said:
    xarden said:
    The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."


    HAHAHAHA
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  7. Posts : 90
    Windows 7
       #1097

    A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
    The guy says, ''Who is this?''
    ''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
    ''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
    The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
    The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
    The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
    The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
    The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''
    The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
    The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
    The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
    The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
    Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
    A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''

    Source:3jokes.com
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  8. Posts : 90
    Windows 7
       #1098

    Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
    "I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."

    Source: 3jokes
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  9. Posts : 90
    Windows 7
       #1099

    In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said:
    "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests."

    Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, "Who was our first president?", and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put "George Washington", and so did you.

    So, everyone knows that he was the first president. Well, just wait a minute, said Mr. Johnson. The next question was, "Who freed the slaves?" Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you.

    Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that, said Johnny. Wait, wait, said Mr. Johnson. The next question was, "Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?" Mary put "I don't know", and you put, "Me neither"

    Source: Same
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  10. Posts : 966
    Windows 7 Enterprise
       #1100

    mafhh said:
    Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
    "I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."

    Source: 3jokes
    I feel cheated...
    It was 2 guys on safari and a lion.
    Originally told by Billy Connolley, I believe...
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