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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

26 Feb 2011   #1091
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Ouch!!!!

If I could only find that bag and have it sewn back on!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Feb 2011   #1092
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 


Don't eat the Texas jalapenos!

Singed the hair right off my Avatar!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Feb 2011   #1093
smsff7

Windows 7 Pro X64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again. The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?" The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?" The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."
That was a G1 Thanks
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

27 Feb 2011   #1094
xarden

Windows 7 Enterprise
 
 

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Feb 2011   #1095
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by xarden View Post
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Feb 2011   #1096
boogieboy

Windows 7 Ultimate x64 SP1 | Windows 10 Pro
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Bare Foot Kid View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by xarden View Post
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."


HAHAHAHA
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Feb 2011   #1097
mafhh

Windows 7
 
 

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?''
''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''
The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''

Source:3jokes.com
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Feb 2011   #1098
mafhh

Windows 7
 
 

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."

Source: 3jokes
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Feb 2011   #1099
mafhh

Windows 7
 
 

In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said:
"Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests."

Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, "Who was our first president?", and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put "George Washington", and so did you.

So, everyone knows that he was the first president. Well, just wait a minute, said Mr. Johnson. The next question was, "Who freed the slaves?" Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you.

Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that, said Johnny. Wait, wait, said Mr. Johnson. The next question was, "Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?" Mary put "I don't know", and you put, "Me neither"

Source: Same
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Feb 2011   #1100
xarden

Windows 7 Enterprise
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by mafhh View Post
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."

Source: 3jokes
I feel cheated...
It was 2 guys on safari and a lion.
Originally told by Billy Connolley, I believe...
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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