Jokes Thread 2


  1. Posts : 90
    Windows 7
       #1101

    xarden said:
    mafhh said:
    Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
    "I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."

    Source: 3jokes
    I feel cheated...
    It was 2 guys on safari and a lion.
    Originally told by Billy Connolley, I believe...
    Dunno.
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  2. Posts : 346
    Windows 7 Pro X64
       #1102

    Mathematics:
    This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
    It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
    This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint..it goes like this:

    What Makes 100%?

    What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

    Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

    How about achieving 103%?

    What makes up 100% in life?

    Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

    If:
    A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

    is represented as:
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

    Then:

    H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
    8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

    and

    K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
    11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

    But ,

    A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
    1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

    And,

    B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
    2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

    AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

    A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
    1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

    So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.


    Now you know why some people are where they are!
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  3. Posts : 966
    Windows 7 Enterprise
       #1103

    Science and mathematics

    Jokes Thread 2-girlsareevil.jpg
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  4. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #1104

    Hypothesis - Females require Time and Money

    Females = Time + Money

    Time = Money

    Females = Money + Money

    Money = Evil

    Females = Evil + Evil

    Theory- Females are 2 (too) Evil



    Just kidding ladies of the forum!
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  5. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1105

    I like EVIL women!!!
    they don't like me as I have NO Money!!
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  6. Posts : 472
    Windows 7 Professional 64 bit
       #1106

    We need a funny thread..


    Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN.

    The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”

    The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

    1. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.
    2. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.
    3. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.
    4. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.
    5. In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.
    6. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.
    7. In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.
    8. In Australia they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent
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  7. Posts : 472
    Windows 7 Professional 64 bit
       #1107

    Greenie Revenge

    The chief woman “Greenie Tree-Hugging Activist”, who was responsible for getting horses banned from National parks and State forests, was climbing a tree to have a look out over the forest when a Tawny Frogmouth Owl attacked her for invading its nesting site.

    In a panic to escape, she slid down the tree, getting a great number of splinters lodged in her crotch area. In considerable pain she hurried to the nearest doctor, told him she was an environmentalist and how she got all the splinters.

    The doctor listened with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She waited for3 hours before the doctor reappeared. Angry, the woman demanded, “What took you so long?”

    “Well...” replied the doctor, “I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency; the Forestry Service; the National Parks and Wildlife Service; the Wilderness Society and the Department of Conservation and Land Management before I could remove “old growth timber” from a “recreational area” . . . I’m sorry but they all turned me down.”
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  8. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #1108

    Have you seen this: Jokes Thread 2
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  9. Posts : 472
    Windows 7 Professional 64 bit
       #1109

    Mods can you pls move to chillout room...linked to this page by mistake :)
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  10. Posts : 472
    Windows 7 Professional 64 bit
       #1110

    Kari said:
    Have you seen this: Jokes Thread 2
    Ummm yeah i have now..IE9 has the gaming thread area w/e in history and i linked to that by mistake
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