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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

05 Mar 2011   #1111
Dinesh

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)
 
 

The last point has nothing to do with the question. Looks more like arrogance!!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Mar 2011   #1112
simmo

Windows 7 Professional 64 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dinesh View Post
The last point has nothing to do with the question. Looks more like arrogance!!!
your entitled to your opinion...however wrong it may be...
My System SpecsSystem Spec
07 Mar 2011   #1113
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.
When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in approximately the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all."
She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms. I can do this!
She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black limo pulled up in front of her house. A man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $2,000 even though we will not be able to use it!"
Jokes Thread 2-1.jpg


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07 Mar 2011   #1114
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next
to an American on an overseas flight. After a
few cocktails, the men began discussing their
home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times,"
the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning
she made me delicious crepes, and she told
me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,"
the Italian responded, "and this morning she
made me a wonderful omelet and told me
she could never love another man."
When the American remained silent, the
Frenchman smugly asked "And how many
times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted.
"And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
07 Mar 2011   #1115
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

Excellent Pebbly!


Reality.
The evening before when each husband persued his wife the wife gave them that special loving glance and said "Don't start"!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
07 Mar 2011   #1116
boogieboy

Windows 7 Ultimate x64 SP1 | Windows 10 Pro
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next
to an American on an overseas flight. After a
few cocktails, the men began discussing their
home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times,"
the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning
she made me delicious crepes, and she told
me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,"
the Italian responded, "and this morning she
made me a wonderful omelet and told me
she could never love another man."
When the American remained silent, the
Frenchman smugly asked "And how many
times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted.
"And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
07 Mar 2011   #1117
Kari

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next
to an American on an overseas flight. After a
few cocktails, the men began discussing their
home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times,"
the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning
she made me delicious crepes, and she told
me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,"
the Italian responded, "and this morning she
made me a wonderful omelet and told me
she could never love another man."
When the American remained silent, the
Frenchman smugly asked "And how many
times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted.
"And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."


The same American once arrived in Florence, Italy. He stepped out of the plane and started laughing, pointing the big sign saying Aeroporto di Firenze over the airport terminal and telling his co-passengers: "Look, no wonder the Italian economy is what it is. They are almost illiterate, can't even spell two simple words like Florence and Airport!".
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07 Mar 2011   #1118
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer caused by his cigarette. His body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to I.D. the body, so they called his two close friends, Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe to come and try to I.D. the body.
Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet, and Jim-Bob said, "Yep, he's got burnt up purdy bad. Roll 'im over." So, the mortician rolled him over, and Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said, "Nope, dat ain't Bubba." The mortician didn't say anything, but thought that was a little bit strange.
Then, he brought in Billy-Joe to I.D. the body. Billy-Joe looked at him and said' "Yep, he's burnt up sumpin' real bad. Roll 'im over." The mortician rolled him over, and Billy-Joe looked down at his butt and said, "Nuh-uh, 'at ain't Bubba. The mortician said, "How can you tell?"
Billy-Joe said, "Well, Bubba had two ass holes, ya know." "What? He had two ass holes? Impossible!" said the mortician. "Yep. Everyone in town knowed he had two ass holes, cause every time the three of us went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two ass holes.' "
My System SpecsSystem Spec
07 Mar 2011   #1119
boogieboy

Windows 7 Ultimate x64 SP1 | Windows 10 Pro
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer caused by his cigarette. His body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to I.D. the body, so they called his two close friends, Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe to come and try to I.D. the body.
Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet, and Jim-Bob said, "Yep, he's got burnt up purdy bad. Roll 'im over." So, the mortician rolled him over, and Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said, "Nope, dat ain't Bubba." The mortician didn't say anything, but thought that was a little bit strange.
Then, he brought in Billy-Joe to I.D. the body. Billy-Joe looked at him and said' "Yep, he's burnt up sumpin' real bad. Roll 'im over." The mortician rolled him over, and Billy-Joe looked down at his butt and said, "Nuh-uh, 'at ain't Bubba. The mortician said, "How can you tell?"
Billy-Joe said, "Well, Bubba had two ass holes, ya know." "What? He had two ass holes? Impossible!" said the mortician. "Yep. Everyone in town knowed he had two ass holes, cause every time the three of us went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two ass holes.' "
HAHAHAHA
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07 Mar 2011   #1120
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Dear Doctor,

I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years, and having a child each year, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are absolutely useless.

After getting married I was told to use the "Rhythm Method." Whilst trying the samba and the tango my wife fell pregnant, and I ruptured myself doing the Cha-cha.

My doctor then suggested we use the safe period. At this time we were living with the in-laws and we had to wait three weeks for a safe period, when the house was empty. Needless to say this didn't work.

A lady of several years experience informed us that if we made love while breast-feeding we would be alright. It's hardly tastes like Coors, but I finished up with clear skin, silky hair and another child on the way.

Another old wives tale was if my wife jumped up and down after sex this would prevent pregnancy. After breast-feeding (from earlier), if my wife jumped up and down she would have ended up with two black eyes, and even knocked herself unconscious.

I asked a chemist about the condom. He demonstrated how easy it was to use so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again, which doesn't surprise me, as I fail to see how a Durex stretched over the thumb can prevent a baby.

My wife was then supplied with the coil and after many unsuccessful attempts to fit it we realized that we had got a left-handed thread and my wife is definitely a right-handed screw.

The Dutch cap came next. We were very hopeful of this as it did not interfere with our sex life at all. But alas...it did give my wife a severe headache. We were given the largest size, but it was still too tight across her forehead.

Finally we tried the pill. At first it kept falling out, then we realised we were doing it wrong. My wife started then to put it between her knees, thus preventing me from getting anywhere near her. This did work for a while until the night she forgot it....another child resulted.

You must appreciate my problem: if this operation is unsuccessful I shall have to revert to oral sex. Although I don't mind just talking about it, it could never be the same as the real thing.

Yours faithfully,

Ray Jackson
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