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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

07 Mar 2011   #1121
Kari

 

Pebbly you are in the mood today! I have coffee once again around my desk, can't stop laughing!
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07 Mar 2011   #1122
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Kari View Post
Pebbly you are in the mood today! I have coffee once again around my desk, can't stop laughing!
Not again Kari, Do be careful
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07 Mar 2011   #1123
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

All I can say Members is.........................LOOKOUT!
Jokes Thread 2-ngpeb.png
PEBBLY IS ON A ROLL....again.


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.

08 Mar 2011   #1124
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Two men are sitting in the doctor's office. The one looks at the other one and says, "What are you here for?" The man replied "I have a red ring around my pecker, What are you here for?" The other man said, "I have a green ring around my pecker." The doctor called the man with the red ring first in his office and examined him. As he was walking out he told the other guy it was no problem. The doctor called the man in with the green ring around his pecker and examined him. The doctor says, "Your pecker is gonna fall off and you are gonna die". The mans says, "What?? You told the man with the red ring he was ok, but I'm gonna die??" The doctor said, "Yes but there's a lot of difference lipstick and gangrene!"
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08 Mar 2011   #1125
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a great big smile on his face. Mike says, "Pat, what are you so happy for?"

"Well Mike, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me.. boobs out to here, Mike. boobs out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'

I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike. I turned off the key and I said 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike. She couldn't swim!"

The next day Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a even bigger smile on his face. Mike says, "What are you happy about today Pat?"

"Well Mike.... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me...boobs out to here, Mike. boobs out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'

I told her 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike! She couldn't swim!"

A couple days pass and Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat down there cryin'
over a beer. Mike says, "Pat, what are you so sad for?"

"Well Mike, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just

waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... boobs WAY out to here, Mike. boobs WAY out to here. She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'

So I said, 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out,

Mike, way WAY out... much further than the last two.

I turned off the key, and looked at her boobs and said 'It's either screw or swim!'

She pulled down her pants and.....She had a pecker, Mike! She had this great BIG pecker! ... and I can't swim Mike! I can't swim!"
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08 Mar 2011   #1126
Orbital Shark

 
 

I accidentally dropped a box of maltesers when I was at weight watchers...

It was like watching real life hungy hungy hippos...
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08 Mar 2011   #1127
Golden
Microsoft MVP

Windows 7 Ult. x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Orbital Shark View Post
I accidentally dropped a box of maltesers when I was at weight watchers...

It was like watching real life hungy hungy hippos...
Aahahahaha
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08 Mar 2011   #1128
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."

So the couple walked in and the shopkeeper says to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. They have special power. Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the shopkeeper claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex God he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals improve my abilities?" The Pakistani man replied, "Just try dem on, Saiheeb. The sandals will prove it to you." Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years: raw sexual power!

In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down the man's pants and his own, and grabbed firm hold of the Pakistani's thighs. The Pakistani then began screaming, "YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!"
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08 Mar 2011   #1129
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

With apologies to Kathryn, here's a different take on that boats and boobs joke.

An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Scotsman were sat in a bar drowning their sorrows. It had seemed a long time since any of them had seen any boobs, let alone had any chance of fondling any.

Last orders soon came, and Paddy turned to Fred and Jock and said "I'll see you down by the harbour tomorrow morning. I have a feeling that if we're cleaning our boats, our luck will change."

The friends agreed, and so the next morning they were down at the harbour cleaning their boats. Whilst they were doing so, who should come by but 3 very buxom girls who were very well endowed on the upper part of their bodies.

The redhead walked upto Paddy and said "Can I have a ride in your boat?" Paddy replied "Sure. Climb aboard."

Next, the blonde went upto Fred and asked the same thing. Again Fred replied "Sure. Climb aboard."

Finally, the brunette approached Jock and once again asked the same question, to which Jock replied in the same way as Paddy and Fred had done previously.

The following day, Paddy and Fred met up again at the bar. Each had a huge smile on their faces. They told each other what had happened when they went out in their boat. "It was like this, we went out for miles and miles and then I killed the engine. I then turned to her and said 'It's either screw or swim!' And then she said 'I can't swim!'"

A short while later, Jock ambled in with an awkward gait. He looked sad, and had tears running down his face. Paddy and Fred told him how they had got on, and then asked him what had happened to him. Jock replied "I took her out in the boat, miles and miles out to sea." Paddy said "Go on, go on." Jock continued "I then killed the engine and said 'It's either screw or swim!'" Fred said "Well, what happened next?" With a tear in his eye, Jock continued "She pulled down her pants and.... She had a pecker, a great BIG pecker.... and I can't swim!"

Fred went over to Jock, put his arms around his shoulders and said "I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you'll be feeling better soon."

Jock thanked Fred for his comforting words and then turned to Paddy. "Well, don't you have something to say to comfort me?" he said.

Paddy thought for a moment. Being Irish, it was more of a mo than a moment, but then he said "You shouldn't have been wearing that dress, Jock. You shouldn't have been wearing that dress."
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09 Mar 2011   #1130
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Paddy thought for a moment. Being Irish, it was more of a mo than a moment, but then he said "You shouldn't have been wearing that dress, Jock. You shouldn't have been wearing that dress."


Very good ending Dwarf
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