Jokes Thread 2


  1. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #1161

    Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
    She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
    Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
    Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
    The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
    She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
    The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
    Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
    By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
    She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
    The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
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  2. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #1162

    Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children.
    The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.
    "Is is beef?" The daughter Katie asked.
    "Nope."
    "Is it pork?" the son Willie asked.
    "Nope."
    "Heck, we don't know, Dad!" Willie exclaimed.
    "I'll give you a clue," the Dad said, "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."
    "Spit it out, Willie!" cried Katie, "We're eating Asshole!!"
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  3. Posts : 4,198
    Windows 10 Pro
       #1163

    pebbly said:
    Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children.
    The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.
    "Is is beef?" The daughter Katie asked.
    "Nope."
    "Is it pork?" the son Willie asked.
    "Nope."
    "Heck, we don't know, Dad!" Willie exclaimed.
    "I'll give you a clue," the Dad said, "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."
    "Spit it out, Willie!" cried Katie, "We're eating Asshole!!"


    pebbly said:
    Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
    She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
    Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
    Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
    The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
    She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
    The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
    Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
    By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
    She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
    The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
    Hahahaha good one too
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  4. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #1164

    Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
    "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
    "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
    "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"
    "No sir, our mother."
    "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"
    "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
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  5. Posts : 3,187
    Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
       #1165

    If pulling on it did any good there would be a lot less of a market for certain items sold from the back of men's magazines.
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  6. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #1166

    NEW 2012 NASCAR line up.


    Today NASCAR has announced that they will do their part to reduce fuel consumption and emissions from their race cars.

    Here is a peek at their 2012 line up of new race cars. BEEP! BEEP!
    Jokes Thread 2 Attached Images Jokes Thread 2-nascar-2012.png 
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  7. Posts : 9,582
    Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
       #1167

    Are you sure? I've found this, complete with one of their test drivers.

    Jokes Thread 2-nascar_new_car.jpg
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  8. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #1168

    Dwarf

    Fischer-Price will be a new manufacturer in NASCAR in 2012.
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  9. Posts : 352
    Windows Home Premium 64bit
       #1169

    What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?
    Nacho Cheese!

    Past, Present and Future walk into a bar. It was tense.

    What did the scarf say to the hat?
    You go ahead. I'll hang around.

    Why did the farmer kick the chickens out of his farm?
    Because they used fowl language!

    What's brown and runs around your garden?
    A fence!
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 1,782
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1170

    What did the snail that was riding on a turtles back say?

    "Wheeeeeee!"
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