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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

13 Mar 2011   #1161
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Mar 2011   #1162
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children.
The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.
"Is is beef?" The daughter Katie asked.
"Nope."
"Is it pork?" the son Willie asked.
"Nope."
"Heck, we don't know, Dad!" Willie exclaimed.
"I'll give you a clue," the Dad said, "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."
"Spit it out, Willie!" cried Katie, "We're eating Asshole!!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Mar 2011   #1163
boogieboy

Windows 7 Ultimate x64 SP1 | Windows 10 Pro
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children.
The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.
"Is is beef?" The daughter Katie asked.
"Nope."
"Is it pork?" the son Willie asked.
"Nope."
"Heck, we don't know, Dad!" Willie exclaimed.
"I'll give you a clue," the Dad said, "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."
"Spit it out, Willie!" cried Katie, "We're eating Asshole!!"


Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
Hahahaha good one too
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

13 Mar 2011   #1164
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Mar 2011   #1165
profdlp

Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
 
 

If pulling on it did any good there would be a lot less of a market for certain items sold from the back of men's magazines.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Mar 2011   #1166
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 
NEW 2012 NASCAR line up.

Today NASCAR has announced that they will do their part to reduce fuel consumption and emissions from their race cars.

Here is a peek at their 2012 line up of new race cars. BEEP! BEEP!


Attached Images
Jokes Thread 2-nascar-2012.png 
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Mar 2011   #1167
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

Are you sure? I've found this, complete with one of their test drivers.

Jokes Thread 2-nascar_new_car.jpg


My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Mar 2011   #1168
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

Dwarf

Fischer-Price will be a new manufacturer in NASCAR in 2012.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Mar 2011   #1169
johnnya

Windows Home Premium 64bit
 
 

What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese!

Past, Present and Future walk into a bar. It was tense.

What did the scarf say to the hat?
You go ahead. I'll hang around.

Why did the farmer kick the chickens out of his farm?
Because they used fowl language!

What's brown and runs around your garden?
A fence!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Mar 2011   #1170
mgorman87

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

What did the snail that was riding on a turtles back say?

"Wheeeeeee!"
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