Jokes Thread 2

  1. Posts : 4,198
    Windows 10 Pro

    On the Highway a Police Officer stopped a Car and told the Driver that it's "Safe Driving Week" and your Driving properly on track, proper speed and wearing seat belt so you just have won $1000 for this. The Police Officer than asked the Driver what are you going to do with this $1000 prize... The Driver replied "I will get my License with this prize money"... Driver's mother quickly said to the officer "Don't believe him, He's Drunk"... suddenly Driver's Father just woke up who was sleeping on the back seat and said "God Dammit, I knew we wont get much far in a stolen car"... just after few seconds a voice was heard coming from the Trunk of the car "Sir have we reached the Border?".
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  2. Posts : 281
    Windows 7 Pro 64bit SP1

    i love it when that little 'you've got mail' beep comes through and it's not spam,
    it's a link to the jokes threads here. that lets me sit catch up on all the good laughs
    which have been added since my last visit. yet try as I may I just can't think of any
    new jokes myself. so thanks those posting ...
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  3. Posts : 6,349
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit

    I went into the gas station today and
    asked for five dollars worth of gas.....
    The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
    Jokes Thread 2 Attached Images Jokes Thread 2-gas.png 
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  4. Posts : 6,349
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit

    This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

    A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

    " Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

    "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

    " Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

    "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber Rivercalled Teste."

    "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

    "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

    "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.

    Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

    A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

    "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..

    And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

    "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

    "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

    Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

    "Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

    He said: "Who f--ked up your hair?"
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  5. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit

    Found on the Refrigerator One Morning:

    My Dear Wife,
    You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years
    old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good
    wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly
    interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old
    secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.

    Please don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight.

    When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the
    dining room table:

    My Dear Husband,
    I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years
    old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54
    years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like
    to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael,
    one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile,
    and like your secretary, is 18 years old.

    As a successful businessman who has
    an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are both in the same
    situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times
    than 54 goes into 18.

    Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
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  6. Posts : 966
    Windows 7 Enterprise

    Right. Time to study to become an assistant tennis coach.
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  7. Posts : 3,187
    Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2

    That's the trouble with the world today. All the women my age are chasing after eighteen-year-old assistant tennis coaches...
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  8. Posts : 22,814
    W 7 64-bit Ultimate

    BrightBlessings said:
    Found on the Refrigerator One Morning:

    As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math ...

    That's a good one!
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  9. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
    Last edited by LADYPINKtomato1; 06 Apr 2011 at 21:01.
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  10. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB

    and so true...
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