Jokes Thread 2

On the Highway a Police Officer stopped a Car and told the Driver that it's "Safe Driving Week" and your Driving properly on track, proper speed and wearing seat belt so you just have won $1000 for this. The Police Officer than asked the Driver what are you going to do with this $1000 prize... The Driver replied "I will get my License with this prize money"... Driver's mother quickly said to the officer "Don't believe him, He's Drunk"... suddenly Driver's Father just woke up who was sleeping on the back seat and said "God Dammit, I knew we wont get much far in a stolen car"... just after few seconds a voice was heard coming from the Trunk of the car "Sir have we reached the Border?".

i love it when that little 'you've got mail' beep comes through and it's not spam,
it's a link to the jokes threads here. that lets me sit catch up on all the good laughs
which have been added since my last visit. yet try as I may I just can't think of any
new jokes myself. so thanks those posting ...

I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas.....
The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

" Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber Rivercalled Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said: "Who f--ked up your hair?"

Right. Time to study to become an assistant tennis coach.

That's the trouble with the world today. All the women my age are chasing after eighteen-year-old assistant tennis coaches...

BrightBlessings said:

Found on the Refrigerator One Morning:


As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math ...

That's a good one!

Attachment 143820

and so true...