Jokes Thread 2

Text talk for the older generation.

ATD.............At The Doctors. BFF..............Best Friend Fell. BTW.............Bring the Wheelchair. BYOT............Bring Your Own Teeth....FWIW...........Forgot Where I Was.

GGPBL..........Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low.

GHA.............Got Heartburn Again.

IMHAO...........Is My Hearing Aid On.

LMDO...........Laughing My Dentures Out.

OMMR..........On My Massage Recliner.

OMSG .........Oh My! Sorry, Gas.

ROFLACGU....Rolling On Floor Laughing And Can't Get Up.

TTYL............Talk To You Louder.

Paddy met Mick in the street and Mick said



'Paddy will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife in the future


'Why?Paddy asked.



'Because,said Mick 'all the street was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday'



Paddy replied'Silly buggers the laugh's on them.


I wasn't home yesterday

I love it.

YouTube - Light house vs USS Montana

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby...
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.....smack his ass again!'
If you don't laugh at this one, there's no hope for you.

Women are Angels.
And when someone breaks our wings,
we simply continue to fly.....on a broomstick.
We are flexible like that.

Locker room at a golf club :
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: 'Hello'
WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me.. Are you at the club?'
MAN: 'Yes'
WOMAN: 'I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'
MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'
WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2011 Models. I saw one I really liked.'
MAN: 'How much?'
WOMAN: '$98,000'
MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'
WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000'
MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's really a pretty good price.'
WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'
MAN: 'Bye! love you, too.'
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape..
The wonderful husband turns and asks:
"Anybody know who's phone this is?"

A guy stops to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, "My feet are cold. Would you get me my sneakers for me?"
The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters.
He says, "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to screw you."
The first daughter says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"
His friend yells back, "Of course, both of them."

You have a way with words, Ms K.

pebbly said:

A guy stops to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, "My feet are cold. Would you get me my sneakers for me?"
The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters.
He says, "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to screw you."
The first daughter says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"
His friend yells back, "Of course, both of them."