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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

22 Apr 2011   #1311
boohbah

Microsoft Windows 7 Home Premium 64-bit 7600
 
 

A little girl is sat on her gate holding her dog all dressed up in her sunday best hair all neat in bunches etc, the vicar walks by and says hello sadie thats a lovely little doggie you have whats his name .
"porky " replies sadie
thats an unusual name for a dog says the vicar "is it because he likes bacon ?"
no says sadie its because he f***s pigs.
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22 Apr 2011   #1312
Layback Bear

Windows 7 Pro. 64/SP-1
 
 

I like that a lot boohbah!!!!!!!
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22 Apr 2011   #1313
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by boohbah View Post
A little girl is sat on her gate holding her dog all dressed up in her sunday best hair all neat in bunches etc, the vicar walks by and says hello sadie thats a lovely little doggie you have whats his name .
"porky " replies sadie
thats an unusual name for a dog says the vicar "is it because he likes bacon ?"
no says sadie its because he f***s pigs.




Oy vey!
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.

22 Apr 2011   #1314
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Boobah,
You are off to a roaring start............You may be roaring out of here again with that joke. IMHO
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22 Apr 2011   #1315
DreemWarrior

Windows 7 ultimate X64
 
 

A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door. In steps a very large black man. The dwarf stares and says "You're the biggest man I have ever seen". The man nods his head, and replies "I'm 6-9, weigh 259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I'm Turner Brown." The dwarf faints! After coming too, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, "I said I'm 6 - 9, 259 lbs., with 16 inches, my name is Turner Brown." The dwarf looked relieved and started laughing. "For a minute there, I thought you said 'Turn Around'."
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22 Apr 2011   #1316
profdlp

Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
 
 

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23 Apr 2011   #1317
spinifex

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by profdlp View Post
In 1998, i thought it was all pretty neat (by 1998 standards)
Much better than NO internet and only bulletin board service, when we started. (yes i know, i'm old)

Thanks for posting the link, Steve.
Brought back some good memories.
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23 Apr 2011   #1318
spinifex

 
 

A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one word a year.

So he waits 14 agonizing years – accumulating all his words – before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat.

He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, "My darling, I have waited many years to say this – will you marry me?"

The princess turns around, smiles, and says, "Pardon?"
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23 Apr 2011   #1319
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

THE Easter Bunny !!!
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.


He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says, "Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands,

"What is in that can?


What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says..



(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)
(You know you're gonna be sorry)

(Last chance)


(OK, here it is)


It says,


"Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."

Happy Easter!!!
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24 Apr 2011   #1320
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In
the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor
wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out
"GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would
like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked
to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was
somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said
she would like it painted a warm rose colour. The painter wrote this
down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying
turf across the street.
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