Jokes Thread 2


  1. Posts : 14,606
    Microsoft Windows 7 Home Premium 64-bit 7600
       #1311

    A little girl is sat on her gate holding her dog all dressed up in her sunday best hair all neat in bunches etc, the vicar walks by and says hello sadie thats a lovely little doggie you have whats his name .
    "porky " replies sadie
    thats an unusual name for a dog says the vicar "is it because he likes bacon ?"
    no says sadie its because he f***s pigs.
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  2. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #1312

    I like that a lot boohbah!!!!!!!
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  3. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #1313

    boohbah said:
    A little girl is sat on her gate holding her dog all dressed up in her sunday best hair all neat in bunches etc, the vicar walks by and says hello sadie thats a lovely little doggie you have whats his name .
    "porky " replies sadie
    thats an unusual name for a dog says the vicar "is it because he likes bacon ?"
    no says sadie its because he f***s pigs.




    Oy vey!
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  4. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1314

    Boobah,
    You are off to a roaring start............You may be roaring out of here again with that joke. IMHO
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  5. Posts : 589
    Windows 7 ultimate X64
       #1315

    A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door. In steps a very large black man. The dwarf stares and says "You're the biggest man I have ever seen". The man nods his head, and replies "I'm 6-9, weigh 259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I'm Turner Brown." The dwarf faints! After coming too, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, "I said I'm 6 - 9, 259 lbs., with 16 inches, my name is Turner Brown." The dwarf looked relieved and started laughing. "For a minute there, I thought you said 'Turn Around'."
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  6. Posts : 3,187
    Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
       #1316
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  7. Posts : 1,364
    Win7 Ultimate x64
       #1317

    profdlp said:
    In 1998, i thought it was all pretty neat (by 1998 standards)
    Much better than NO internet and only bulletin board service, when we started. (yes i know, i'm old)

    Thanks for posting the link, Steve.
    Brought back some good memories.
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  8. Posts : 1,364
    Win7 Ultimate x64
       #1318

    A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one word a year.

    So he waits 14 agonizing years – accumulating all his words – before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat.

    He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, "My darling, I have waited many years to say this – will you marry me?"

    The princess turns around, smiles, and says, "Pardon?"
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  9. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1319

    THE Easter Bunny !!!
    A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.


    He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

    The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.
    Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .

    The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

    She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

    "I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."

    The blonde says, "Don't worry."

    She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

    The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

    Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

    The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands,

    "What is in that can?


    What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"

    The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

    It says..



    (Are you ready for this?)

    (Are you sure?)
    (You know you're gonna be sorry)

    (Last chance)


    (OK, here it is)


    It says,


    "Hair Spray
    Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."

    Happy Easter!!!
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  10. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #1320

    A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In
    the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor
    wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out
    "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would
    like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked
    to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was
    somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said
    she would like it painted a warm rose colour. The painter wrote this
    down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
    The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
    "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying
    turf across the street.
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