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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

11 May 2011   #1381
kronckew

Win 7 ultimate x64 sp1
 
 

a bit less pebbly

Nagging Wife

This guys wife has been nagging him for years to take her on vacation to the holy land, so he does. She's nagging and bitching the whole time there when suddenly she up and dies.

The Arrangements Director is talking to the guy and says, " We can have her shipped home for 5000$, or you could have her buried here in the holy land for 150$."

Guy thinks about it for a bit and says, "Send her home."
Director, "Are you sure? Why would you spend 5000$ to send her home when she could be buried HERE, in the magnificient holy land, for 150$??"
Guy, "Well, a long time ago a man died here, was buried, and 3 days later he rose from the grave.
I just can't take that chance......."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 May 2011   #1382
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 May 2011   #1383
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?"
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!"
"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

11 May 2011   #1384
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

Quote:
A woman was shaking out a rug
pebbly




The other one was a stinker!

My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 May 2011   #1385
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

I always hang a picture of my mother-in-law above the hearth in the living room

I can't stand her, but it does a damn fine job of keeping the kids away from the fireplace.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 May 2011   #1386
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by seavixen32 View Post
I always hang a picture of my mother-in-law above the hearth in the living room

I can't stand her, but it does a damn fine job of keeping the kids away from the fireplace.
The old ones are the best
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 May 2011   #1387
profdlp

Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by seavixen32 View Post
I always hang a picture of my mother-in-law above the hearth in the living room

I can't stand her, but it does a damn fine job of keeping the kids away from the fireplace.
The old ones are the best
I'm 52 - is that old enough?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 May 2011   #1388
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by seavixen32 View Post
I always hang a picture of my mother-in-law above the hearth in the living room

I can't stand her, but it does a damn fine job of keeping the kids away from the fireplace.
The old ones are the best
In that case I must be pretty good.

Although I'm old and cranky there are some days I feel like a 16-year old, but I can never find one.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 May 2011   #1389
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 May 2011   #1390
Joan Archer

Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit
 
 

NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
But her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the
following:

Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this anymore,
"You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!"
She retorted indignantly.

'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
lives!"

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man, 'Whooza talkin' about sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '..
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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