Jokes Thread 2


  1. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1411

    Southern Medical Dictionary

    Southerners have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously.
    Artery.............................. The study of paintings
    Bacteria.......................... Back door to cafeteria
    Barium............................ What doctors do when patients die
    Benign............................ What you be, after you be eight
    Caesarean Section...... A neighborhood in Rome
    Cat scan........................ Searching for Kitty
    Cauterize....................... Made eye contact with her
    Colic...............................A sheep dog
    Coma............................ A punctuation mark
    Dilate............................. To live long
    Enema............................Not a friend
    Fester............................ Quicker than someone else
    Fibula............................ A small lie
    Impotent........................Distinguished, well known
    Labour Pain................. Getting hurt at work
    Medical Staff............... A Doctor's cane
    Morbid........................... A higher offer
    Nitrates.......................... Cheaper than day rates
    Node................................ I knew it
    Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted
    Pelvis................. .......... Second cousin to Elvis
    Post Operative............ A letter carrier
    Recovery Room.......... Place to do upholstery
    Rectum.......................... ****** near killed him
    Secretion....................... Hiding something
    Seizure........................ Roman emperor
    Tablet........................... A small table
    Terminal Illness.......... Getting sick at the airport
    Tumor........................... One plus one more
    Urine............................. Opposite of you're out
      My Computer


  2. Posts : 7,538
    Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit
       #1412

    Love it.
      My Computer


  3. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1413

    No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference
    between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED, in a way that's easy to understand.

    Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED.

    I beg to differ because, there is :

    When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE".

    And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED"!

    And when the right one catches you with the wrong one,

    you are ... "COMPLETELY FINISHED" !!!
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #1414

    Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

    Johnny: Seven, Sir.

    Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

    Johnny: Seven

    Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?

    Johnny: Six.

    Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

    Johnny: Seven!!!

    A very angry Teacher: Where the **ck do you get seven from?!?!?

    Very angry Johnny: Because I've already got a **ckin' cat at home!!!
      My Computer


  5. Posts : 3,187
    Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
       #1415



    And if you take 2 rabbits + 2 rabbits + 2 rabbits you end up with 2,785,362 of them...
      My Computer


  6. Posts : 1,364
    Win7 Ultimate x64
       #1416

    The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their
    parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next
    day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

    There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
    But
    then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

    "Janie, do you have a story to share?"
    'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine
    pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over
    enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, her service
    .45 cal. automatic pistol, and a survival knife."
    "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break,
    and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi
    troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of
    bullets, killed four more with the
    knife, 'til the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her
    bare
    hands."
    ''Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What did your Daddy tell
    you was the moral to this horrible story?"
    "Don't mess with Mommy when she's been drinking."
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 1,364
    Win7 Ultimate x64
       #1417

    Two bats are hanging in their cave.
    One turns to the other and says,
    "Oh, I'm really thirsty for some fresh blood."
    The other bat is amazed and says,
    "Well, it’s a bit late, Daylight is almost here, and we can't be exposed to any light - you know we'll die."
    "Yeah, I know," says the first bat, "but I'm really starving for it."
    So he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood dripping from his mouth.
    "You lucky thing. Where'd you find blood that quick?" asked the second bat.
    "You see that tree over there in the distance?" mumbled the bat, his mouth full of blood.
    "Yeah, I think I do!"

    Well, I didn't."
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 53,657
    Windows 10 Home x64
       #1418

    Punchline: Arnold Schwarzenegger's love child

    Ooops, that not a joke

    A Guy
      My Computer


  9. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1419

    Arnold told the maid..................."I'll be back................again!"
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #1420

    The Howling Wolves said:
    Arnold told the maid..................."I'll be back................again!"
    Maria told him "Terminator: Judgement Day" or "Mrs. Conan will Destroyer" and it will be your "End of Days".


    By the way Arnie wants to run for Prez. Does the EU need a new one?

    I heard France is looking for one.
    Libya may need one soon.

    Got to get him set up for interviews since he will need a new job now.
    Alimony and child support is a real pain in the pocket book.
      My Computer


 

  Related Discussions
Our Sites
Site Links
About Us
Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:41.
Find Us