Jokes Thread 2


  1. Posts : 171
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64 bit SP1
       #1491

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really upset.

    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.
      My Computer


  2. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1492

    2010MegaScooter said:
    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really upset.

    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.
    They found parts of him in the state of 10,000 Lakes!!!
      My Computer


  3. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #1493

    A piece for every lake!
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 3,300
    Win7 Home Premium 64x
       #1494

    The Howling Wolves said:
    2010MegaScooter said:
    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really upset.

    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.
    They found parts of him in the state of 10,000 Lakes!!!
    Hopalong X said:
    A piece for every lake!

    You could say he lived up to his name a thousand times over....
      My Computer


  5. Posts : 966
    Windows 7 Enterprise
       #1495

    Reminds me of an old baby joke:

    Whats worse than 10 babies in one mailbox?
    One baby in 10 mailboxes...
      My Computer


  6. Posts : 3,300
    Win7 Home Premium 64x
       #1496

    xarden said:
    Reminds me of an old baby joke:

    Whats worse than 10 babies in one mailbox?
    One baby in 10 mailboxes...




      My Computer


  7. Posts : 22,814
    W 7 64-bit Ultimate
       #1497

    xarden said:
    Reminds me of an old baby joke:

    Whats worse than 10 babies in one mailbox?
    One baby in 10 mailboxes...


      My Computer


  8. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1498

    BAD Food :

    A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford ...

    "The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here,
    years ago.
    Red meat is full of steroids and dye.
    Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
    Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
    High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one
    thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me
    what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

    After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,
    "Wedding Cake."
      My Computer


  9. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1499

    Two clever nuns - This is Brilliant
    There were two nuns

    One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

    and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

    It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

    SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

    SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

    SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

    SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

    A little while later...

    SM: It's not working.

    SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

    SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

    SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

    So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

    Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened toSister Logical.

    Then Sister Logicalarrives.

    SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

    SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

    SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

    SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

    SM: And?

    SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

    SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

    SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

    SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

    SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

    SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

    SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

    And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

    Say two Hail Marys!

    (Call me in the morning....LOL)
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1500

    LADYPINKtomato1 said:
    Two clever nuns - This is Brilliant
    There were two nuns

    One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

    and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

    It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

    SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

    SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

    SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

    SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

    A little while later...

    SM: It's not working.

    SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

    SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

    SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

    So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

    Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened toSister Logical.

    Then Sister Logicalarrives.

    SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

    SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

    SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

    SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

    SM: And?

    SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

    SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

    SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

    SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

    SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

    SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

    SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

    And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

    Say two Hail Marys!

    (Call me in the morning....LOL)
    LPt,
    You are now on my tomorrow's people to call list.
      My Computer


 

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