Jokes Thread 2

  1. Posts : 7,781
    Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10

    Jokes Thread 2 Attached Images Jokes Thread 2-bless-you.jpg 
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  2. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit

    xarden said:
    Why did the fifth koala fall out of the tree?
    He thought it was a game.
    Going to attack Simmo for telling bad jokes?
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  3. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit

    Hopalong X said:
    xarden said:
    Why did the fifth koala fall out of the tree?
    He thought it was a game.
    Going to attack Simmo for telling bad jokes?
    Why did the sixth koala fall out of the tree?

    He didn't want to leave anyone left behind.
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  4. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit

    Another Ninja Koala!!!!
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  5. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit

    A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in he glanced up
    and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized that
    she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took
    the seat right beside his.

    Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out "Business trip or
    pleasure?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business, I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago,"

    He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting
    next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
    Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business
    role at the convention?"

    "Lecture," she responded. "I am the lead lecturer where I use information
    that I have learned from my own personal experiences to debunk some of the
    popular myths about sexuality."

    "Really," he said, "and what kinds of myths are there?"

    "Well, she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the
    most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American
    Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is
    that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Scottish
    descent that are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with the
    absolutely best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

    Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry,"
    she said, "I shouldn''t really be discussing all this with you. I don''t
    even know your name."

    "Tonto," the man said, "Tonto McTavish, but my friends call me Bubba."
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  6. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit

    Mary went to see her Granny to see how she was coping. Grandad had been buried only the previous week and Mary was checking up on the old girl.

    Both sat down with a cuppa and Mary asked "So how exactly did Grandad die?"

    "Well it was the Sunday before last and we were having sex," says Gran.

    "Having sex!!??" exclaimed Mary. "Surely that was a bit risky! After all, Grandad was 93!"

    "Not at all," replied Gran, "we used to do it every Sunday morning. In fact, we used to time ourselves by the church bells ringing - in with the dings and out with the dongs!!" Gran suddenly looked sad and said, "and if it wasn't for that bloody ice cream van going by, he'd still be here today!!"
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  7. Posts : 22,814
    W 7 64-bit Ultimate

    Just call me Bubba!
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  8. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit

    An accountant, a social scientist and a lawyer are seated in a room. A guy walks in and asks them: "how much is 2 + 2?" The accountant whips out a calculator, pencils and paper, scribbles for awhile, and then says: "The answer, sir, is 4." The social scientist grabs her laptop, fires it up a few minutes, and then says "Well, as you know this is not an exact science, but I can say with a 95% level of confidence that the answer is between 3 and 5."
    The lawyer, meanwhile, gets up, looks under all the chairs, checks in the closet, opens the door to the room and looks both ways down the hall. Then he comes back, sidles up to the guy who asked the question, and whispers:
    "I don't care. How much do you want it to be?"
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  9. Posts : 7,781
    Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10

    "Father's Day is different in Beverly Hills. Kids have to buy presents for their biological father, their stepfather, and their surrogate father." -Jay Leno
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  10. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit

    Just a Cup of Tea
    One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2-1/2 years old, and someone had given me a little tea set as a gift, which was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of tea, which was just water.

    After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mom came home. My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.

    Then she said (and only a mother would surmise), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

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