Jokes Thread 2

Now watch it guys, don't make me come over there!

A Guy

A Guy said:

Now watch it guys, don't make me come over there!

A Guy

Head on over to Dennis's he needs help painting the outside of his house tomorrow.
Dennis just lives down the street from you.

Glad you volunteered.


Dennis that is one more help coming! Will need another coffee cup for A Guy!

That would be a long street! Also, it will have to be after I run my 9 calls to San Jose, Gilroy, Hollister, Seaside (2), and Salinas (4). Doubt I'll have time. A Guy

Excuses, excuses.............that's all I hear is excuses.
I would be there to help you two if needed.

Oh well,looks like I will have to go at it alone.
LPt said she would try to make it if she doesn't tank up on the cooking Sherry while watching the fireworks from New York.

Haven't heard a peep from her for over 2 hours maybe it's too late!
Have a great 4th you big dummies.
THW

A Guy

That was the fastest UN-volunteering I have ever heard of.

You start at Dennis's house then if time allows you do the others.....next week after the house is painted.

A Guy

My veins are full of Ice tea... no lemon tonite.. there's just no room for an IV..
plus it won't work if you could get it inserted..no more room inside my veins.
Good try Dennis.. you flopped again... lol

Mike I tried the lying down bit.. I'm ice tea logged .. from drinking so much ice tea today.. trying to stay cooooooool !!!.
I hear the fireworks going off as I'm typing.

seavixen32 said:

...it's a long way to tip a Rary!"

smsff7 said:

am I the only person who did not get this joke?...

I am sure you are not. It is one of those jokes best appreciated by old geezers such as myself.

First World War.com - Vintage Audio - It's a Long Way to Tipperary

EDIT: Forgot to roll over to the next page to see that it had already been explained.

PS: I was not actually born yet when WWI was going on. Just for the record...

An 85-year-old man was told by the
Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man
reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied,
'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'