Windows 7 Forums
Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

19 Sep 2010   #151
profdlp

Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by nithig View Post
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Corollary to #10: Give a fish a man and he'll eat for weeks.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Sep 2010   #152
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Secret Code


After a President has been in office for 1 year it is customary for the last President to send a note of congratulations to the new one.
So yesterday when the note came from Bush to Obama, the President was somewhat troubled because it was written in code and all it said was:
370H-SSV-0773H

This troubled him as he had always heard from his peers how former president

Bush was perceived to have been scholarly challenged.

So he took the note to his wife. She was unable to decipher it.

They called in the VP, and he was unable to decode the message. They called in the chief of staff and the head of Secret Service detail and they were unable to determine the meaning of the note.

Next he called in the head of the Senate and Speaker of the House.

They both were mystified by the meaning of the coded message.
Now there was complete panic in the Oval Office.

They called all of their contacts in the
media and sent copies of the note to all of them, and not one was able to come
up with an answer.

A special emergency meeting was called by the staff.

All branches of the military, counter intelligence, CIA, FBI were called in, and the best minds were unable crack the code.

After a sleepless night, a now humbled
President Obama picked up the phone and called the former president, and asked
him the meaning of the note.

George Bush chuckled and replied: 'Bud ....you're holding it upside down!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Sep 2010   #153
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Win 10 Pro x64
 
 

That was great Dennis!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

19 Sep 2010   #154
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 



My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Sep 2010   #155
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
Secret Code


After a President has been in office for 1 year it is customary for the last President to send a note of congratulations to the new one.
So yesterday when the note came from Bush to Obama, the President was somewhat troubled because it was written in code and all it said was:
370H-SSV-0773H

This troubled him as he had always heard from his peers how former president

Bush was perceived to have been scholarly challenged.

So he took the note to his wife. She was unable to decipher it.

They called in the VP, and he was unable to decode the message. They called in the chief of staff and the head of Secret Service detail and they were unable to determine the meaning of the note.

Next he called in the head of the Senate and Speaker of the House.

They both were mystified by the meaning of the coded message.
Now there was complete panic in the Oval Office.

They called all of their contacts in the
media and sent copies of the note to all of them, and not one was able to come
up with an answer.

A special emergency meeting was called by the staff.

All branches of the military, counter intelligence, CIA, FBI were called in, and the best minds were unable crack the code.

After a sleepless night, a now humbled
President Obama picked up the phone and called the former president, and asked
him the meaning of the note.

George Bush chuckled and replied: 'Bud ....you're holding it upside down!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Sep 2010   #156
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

Paddy is passing by Mick's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door
he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red
Massey Ferguson.
Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first
the right welly, followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets
his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his
corduroy trousers.
Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea
stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on
to a pile of hay.
"What the feck are you doing Mick" says Paddy.
"Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me, says an obviously
embarrassed Mick: "but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in
the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a
tractor".
My System SpecsSystem Spec
20 Sep 2010   #157
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

Loved it (Secret Code)

We had a local Chinese restaurant, but they went out of business....do you think it could have been because of the spelling? (G and H on the menu)
My System SpecsSystem Spec
20 Sep 2010   #158
profdlp

Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Borg 386 View Post
...We had a local Chinese restaurant, but they went out of business....do you think it could have been because of the spelling? (G and H on the menu)
"G" is forgivable, but "H"...

I wish I had kept one, but an old Chinese restaurant I liked back in Virgina had misspellings and bad grammar all over the place. The best part was a section where the printer apparently had some trouble and left himself a note in the description for one dish saying "can't read", which ended up being printed verbatim right in the middle of the blurb for Lemon Chicken.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
20 Sep 2010   #159
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

I love this doctor
Jokes Thread 2-1.jpg

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - glass of port in one hand - cigarette in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"


My System SpecsSystem Spec
20 Sep 2010   #160
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Win 10 Pro x64
 
 

That's great BB!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools


Similar help and support threads
Thread Forum
Jokes Thread [4]
No sex after surgery ... A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
Chillout Room
Computer jokes!
Rules: ------------------ One joke per post No repeating of jokes ------------------ Il start: What do you call a computer with no graphics?
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread [3]
:note: continued from - https://www.sevenforums.com/chillout-room/106614-jokes-thread-2 ****** 22 ADULT TRUTHS ****** 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you...
Chillout Room
IT Jokes
If you can read German, then you will appreciate: Die schlechtesten IT-Witze - Derber Humor ohne Gewähr | TecChannel.de
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
Person 1:Knock Knock Person 2:Whos there? Person 1: Boo Person 2: Boo who? :huh: Person 1: ZOMG WHY U CRYIN??!? :p
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room


Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 23:23.
Twitter Facebook Google+ Seven Forums iOS App Seven Forums Android App