Jokes Thread 2

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

The Anniversary...

Good one M'Lady, gonna steal borrow this one

A Guy

A Guy hi.... It's your's .. anything I post is up for grabs.. ..
I thought it was funny also.
Hope you have a great new week.

The Howling Wolves said:

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

The Anniversary...
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of Cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his Hot Cocoa.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room,
'Why are you down here at this time of night?

The husband looks up from his Cocoa, 'It's the 20th anniversary of the day we met'.

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. 'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?'

'I remember that too', she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, 'I would have gotten out today.'

LPt,
Was his name in the OBit section of the newspaper this week-end?
That was really funny. Thanks for sharing!
THW

Dennis hi.. glad you enjoyed it.. we all need a few good laughs to get us through the hard. disappointing, times in life.
I know you always find those tiny bits in your life , that help you hang on. God bless you for all you do .. along with a great compassionate attitude.
I'm delighted when something I've posted, brings you that smile.

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

I know you always find those tiny bits in your life

Dennis tries to keep that secret!

A Guy

Cold!

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours?
SON: At school*Robot slaps Son*
SON: OK,I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story*Robot slaps son again*
SON: OK, it was Day with a Porn Star.
DAD: WHAT? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was!*Robot slaps Dad*
MOM: HAHA! After all he's your son.*Robot slaps mom*

Subject: FW: WORK EXPERIENCE MATTERS





My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory,



but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack,



but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that, I tried being a Tailor,



but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory,



but that was too exhausting.

Then, tried being a Chef,



figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.

Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker,



but any way I sliced it.... I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was a Musician,



but they eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a Doctor,



but didn't have any patience.

Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory.



Tried hard but just didn't fit in.

I became a Professional Fisherman,



but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company,



but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a Workout Center,



but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian



until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working in Starbucks,



but had to quit because it was the same old grind.

SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT



AND I FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

A man was staggering home from the pub one night very drunk, when he stumbles over something on the ground. Upon closer inspection he notices it's a lamp. So he picks it up and gives it a rub and out pops a Genie.

"I'll grant you one wish" Says the genie.
The man was a bit skeptical so he says sarcasticly, "I wish I could pee Jack Daniels"

The Genie grants his wish and sure enough, when the man pees', Jack Daniels comes out.

Excited, he races home to his wife and exclaims "I can pee Jack Daniels. Get me a glass, we're having a drink!"

"why only one glass?" the wife asks.
"That's for me, you can drink it from the bottle!", He replies.

Mary went to see her Granny to see how she was coping. Grandad had been buried only the previous week and Mary was checking up on the old girl.

Both sat down with a cuppa and Mary asked "So how exactly did Grandad die?"

"Well it was the Sunday before last and we were having sex," says Gran.

"Having sex!!??" exclaimed Mary. "Surely that was a bit risky! After all, Grandad was 93!"

"Not at all," replied Gran, "we used to do it every Sunday morning. In fact, we used to time ourselves by the church bells ringing - in with the dings and out with the dongs!!" Gran suddenly looked sad and said, "and if it wasn't for that bloody ice cream van going by, he'd still be here today!!"