Jokes Thread 2


  1. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1621

    Dwarf said:
    The Howling Wolves said:
    Beware of older men....

    'I was behind you at McDonalds'
    Dennis! That's the last time we're letting you go to McDonalds on your own.

    Dwarf,
    I suppose you want my daily schedule of when I go to McDonalds so you can join!

    Mike(Hopalong X and Nick(PooManUK) have already put in their bids.
    THW
      My Computer


  2. Posts : 9,582
    Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
       #1622

    Don't tell me that Mike and Nick were with you at the time? Did you blindfold them or make them wear Topper's blinkers?
      My Computer


  3. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1623

    Dwarf said:
    Don't tell me that Mike and Nick were with you at the time? Did you blindfold them or make them wear Topper's blinkers?

    No, they were sitting at the far table and couldn't see what I was up to!
    Both knew I was up to no good by the grin I had on my face when I returned to help
    them with their coloring books. Old geezer's can't even stay within the lines!
    THW
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 762
    Windows 2000 5.0 Build 2195
       #1624

    How many F's are in the following sentence?

    FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULTS OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEAERS.













    Did you count it right?
    .sɹǝʇʇǝן xıs ǝɹɐ ǝɹǝɥʇ
      My Computer


  5. Posts : 3,300
    Win7 Home Premium 64x
       #1625

    Um... I counted 4?

    lol ok i got it now. realized where i missed
      My Computer


  6. Posts : 53,657
    Windows 10 Home x64
       #1626

    6 :)

    A Guy
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 3,187
    Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
       #1627

    I counted twelve, but then again, I am really drunk.

    I'll check back and see how many there are in the morning.
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 3,187
    Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
       #1628

    PS: I do not drink. I just make dumb jokes about it.
      My Computer


  9. JMH
    Posts : 7,952
    Win 7 Ultimate 64-bit. SP1.
       #1629

    Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool

    The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

    Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

    He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.

    Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my ****ing ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!"
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1630

    Stand By Your Man

    The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

    As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "My dearest, you have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right there. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

    "What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

    "I think you're bad luck."
      My Computer


 

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