Jokes Thread 2


  1. Posts : 7
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32bit SP1
       #1711

    Email to wife (wrong recipient)
    A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
    Meanwhile… somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
    The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:



    To: My Loving Wife
    Subject: I’ve Reached Safely
    Date: 7th August, 2011
    I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones.
    I’ve just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was …
      My Computer


  2. Posts : 564
    Windows 8 Pro
       #1712

    Borg 386 said:
    First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

    The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

    For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

    "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

    The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

    When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
    nice one
      My Computer


  3. Posts : 60
    Windows 7 Ultimate x64/Windows 8 Enterprise
       #1713

    omi08 said:
    Email to wife (wrong recipient)
    A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
    Meanwhile… somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
    The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:



    To: My Loving Wife
    Subject: I’ve Reached Safely
    Date: 7th August, 2011
    I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones.
    I’ve just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was …
    good one...
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1714

    5 OLD LADIES



    Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to
    catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at
    22 KPH.
    Says he to himself: "This driver is just as
    dangerous as a speeder!"

    So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver
    over.
    Approaching the car, he notices that there are
    five old ladies,
    two in the front seat and three in the
    back...wide eyed and white as ghosts.

    The driver, obviously confused, says to him
    "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit!
    What seems to be the problem?"

    "Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't
    speeding, but you should know that driving slower than

    the speed limit can also be a danger to other
    drivers."

    "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was
    doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty-two kilometers an hour!" ..the
    old woman says a bit proudly.

    The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle
    explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit.

    A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks
    the officer for pointing out her error.

    "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to
    ask...Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and
    they haven't made a peep this whole time," the officer asks.

    "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer.
    We just got off Highway 189.."
      My Computer


  5. Posts : 7,730
    Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
       #1715

    Two British men in Hamburg were approached by Swiss tourist who asked in German whether they knew the way to the railway station.

    When they intimated with a shrug of the shoulders that they couldn't understand the language the Swiss tourist repeated the request in French, and then Spanish and Italian before turning on his heels and walking away in disgust that his request for information had failed miserably.

    At that, one of the British men turned to his colleague and said; "You know, we really should make the effort to learn another language."

    "What for?" replied his friend; "He knew four languages and look where that got him!"
      My Computer


  6. Posts : 89
    Windows 7
       #1716

    Sign in an auto repair shop:

    We have three kinds of service: Quick, Good and Cheap

    If it's quick & cheap, it can't be good.
    If it's good & cheap, it can't be quick.
    If it's good & quick, it can't be cheap.
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 660
    win7
       #1717

    An Irishman is sitting at a bar in New York City and looks at his watch several times in the space of a few minutes.
    The woman sitting nearby notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
    'No,' he replies, 'I have this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.'
    The intrigued woman says, 'A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?'
    The Irishman explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
    The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'
    'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'
    The woman giggles and replies, 'Well, it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'

    The Irishman smirks, taps his watch and says, 'Bloody thing's running about an hour fast. Can I buy you a drink?
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 5,405
    Windows 7 Ultimate 64bit SP1
       #1718

    The Howling Wolves said:
    5 OLD LADIES



    Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to
    catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at
    22 KPH.
    Says he to himself: "This driver is just as
    dangerous as a speeder!"

    So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver
    over.
    Approaching the car, he notices that there are
    five old ladies,
    two in the front seat and three in the
    back...wide eyed and white as ghosts.

    The driver, obviously confused, says to him
    "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit!
    What seems to be the problem?"

    "Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't
    speeding, but you should know that driving slower than

    the speed limit can also be a danger to other
    drivers."

    "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was
    doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty-two kilometers an hour!" ..the
    old woman says a bit proudly.

    The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle
    explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit.

    A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks
    the officer for pointing out her error.

    "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to
    ask...Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and
    they haven't made a peep this whole time," the officer asks.

    "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer.
    We just got off Highway 189.."
    Fast!
      My Computer


  9. Posts : 5,405
    Windows 7 Ultimate 64bit SP1
       #1719

    boohbah said:
    Bloke goes to the doctors with a rash on his testicles
    the doctor sends him down the hall to the nurses room for treatment
    the nurse has him take down his pants and underware
    after a minute she says to him
    "your going to have to stop masturbating"
    "why " he says to the nurse
    " because im trying to examine you" she says
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1720

    THE ITALIAN MAN OF THE HOUSE

    Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled,

    'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.'

    He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
    'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
    You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal,
    you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs
    with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
    After wards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
    You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
    Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

    Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'

    His Sicilian wife Gina replied, 'The fin' funeral director would be my first guess.'
      My Computer


 

  Related Discussions
Our Sites
Site Links
About Us
Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:22.
Find Us