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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

08 Aug 2011   #1711
omi08

Windows 7 Ultimate 32bit SP1
 
 

Email to wife (wrong recipient)
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile… somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:



To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Reached Safely
Date: 7th August, 2011
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones.
I’ve just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was …
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Aug 2011   #1712
dreamer

Windows 8 Pro
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Borg 386 View Post
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
nice one
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Aug 2011   #1713
shelbourne104

Windows 7 Ultimate x64/Windows 8 Enterprise
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by omi08 View Post
Email to wife (wrong recipient)
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile… somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:



To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Reached Safely
Date: 7th August, 2011
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones.
I’ve just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was …
good one...
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

10 Aug 2011   #1714
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

5 OLD LADIES



Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to
catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at
22 KPH.
Says he to himself: "This driver is just as
dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver
over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are
five old ladies,
two in the front seat and three in the
back...wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him
"Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit!
What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't
speeding, but you should know that driving slower than

the speed limit can also be a danger to other
drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was
doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty-two kilometers an hour!" ..the
old woman says a bit proudly.

The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle
explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks
the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to
ask...Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and
they haven't made a peep this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer.
We just got off Highway 189.."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Aug 2011   #1715
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

Two British men in Hamburg were approached by Swiss tourist who asked in German whether they knew the way to the railway station.

When they intimated with a shrug of the shoulders that they couldn't understand the language the Swiss tourist repeated the request in French, and then Spanish and Italian before turning on his heels and walking away in disgust that his request for information had failed miserably.

At that, one of the British men turned to his colleague and said; "You know, we really should make the effort to learn another language."

"What for?" replied his friend; "He knew four languages and look where that got him!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Aug 2011   #1716
buffylinden

 
 

Sign in an auto repair shop:

We have three kinds of service: Quick, Good and Cheap

If it's quick & cheap, it can't be good.
If it's good & cheap, it can't be quick.
If it's good & quick, it can't be cheap.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Aug 2011   #1717
wilywombat

win7
 
 

An Irishman is sitting at a bar in New York City and looks at his watch several times in the space of a few minutes.
The woman sitting nearby notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
'No,' he replies, 'I have this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.'
The intrigued woman says, 'A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?'
The Irishman explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'
'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'
The woman giggles and replies, 'Well, it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'

The Irishman smirks, taps his watch and says, 'Bloody thing's running about an hour fast. Can I buy you a drink?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Aug 2011   #1718
panais

Windows 7 Ultimate 64bit SP1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
5 OLD LADIES



Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to
catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at
22 KPH.
Says he to himself: "This driver is just as
dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver
over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are
five old ladies,
two in the front seat and three in the
back...wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him
"Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit!
What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't
speeding, but you should know that driving slower than

the speed limit can also be a danger to other
drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was
doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty-two kilometers an hour!" ..the
old woman says a bit proudly.

The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle
explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks
the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to
ask...Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and
they haven't made a peep this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer.
We just got off Highway 189.."
Fast!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Aug 2011   #1719
panais

Windows 7 Ultimate 64bit SP1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by boohbah View Post
Bloke goes to the doctors with a rash on his testicles
the doctor sends him down the hall to the nurses room for treatment
the nurse has him take down his pants and underware
after a minute she says to him
"your going to have to stop masturbating"
"why " he says to the nurse
" because im trying to examine you" she says
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Aug 2011   #1720
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

THE ITALIAN MAN OF THE HOUSE

Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled,

'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.'

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal,
you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs
with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
After wards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'

His Sicilian wife Gina replied, 'The fin' funeral director would be my first guess.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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