Windows 7 Forums

Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

26 Aug 2011   #1761
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

A woman went into a butcher's shop the other day and asked the butcher: "Is that a sheep's head in the window?"

"No madam," he replied. "It's a mirror."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Aug 2011   #1762
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

A dwarf was on a holiday flight to Spain.

He'd just put his duty-free bag in the overhead locker when it came crashing down, spilling booze all over the place.

"Are you alright sir?" asked the bright young flight attendant. "I'm not bloody happy," he snapped back.

"In that case," she asked: "which one are you?"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Aug 2011   #1763
damien76

Win7 Ultimate 64bit
 
 

A little old lady answered her doorbell and saw a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"

As she closed the door, the young man quickly wedged his foot in the door and pushed it open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, ma'am, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

27 Aug 2011   #1764
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by damien76 View Post
A little old lady answered her doorbell and saw a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"

As she closed the door, the young man quickly wedged his foot in the door and pushed it open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, ma'am, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

Sound like Hopalong has taken Topper for a ride thru the neighborhood.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Aug 2011   #1765
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by seavixen32 View Post
A dwarf was on a holiday flight to Spain.

He'd just put his duty-free bag in the overhead locker when it came crashing down, spilling booze all over the place.

"Are you alright sir?" asked the bright young flight attendant. "I'm not bloody happy," he snapped back.

"In that case," she asked: "which one are you?"
Disclaimer: The Dwarf in question was NOT me, despite what everyone else thinks.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Aug 2011   #1766
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by damien76 View Post
A little old lady answered her doorbell and saw a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"

As she closed the door, the young man quickly wedged his foot in the door and pushed it open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, ma'am, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
We didn't know that you were a traveling vacuum cleaner salesman, Mike.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Aug 2011   #1767
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

There are three moms. .
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Aug 2011   #1768
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
The mother responds, "Very good honey." The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?" And the mother responds, "Yes dear."
Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!"
The mother says, "Very good honey." The blonde then asked. "Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" The mother responds, "Yes dear."
The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts. Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"
And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Aug 2011   #1769
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dwarf View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by seavixen32 View Post
A dwarf was on a holiday flight to Spain.

He'd just put his duty-free bag in the overhead locker when it came crashing down, spilling booze all over the place.

"Are you alright sir?" asked the bright young flight attendant. "I'm not bloody happy," he snapped back.

"In that case," she asked: "which one are you?"
Disclaimer: The Dwarf in question was NOT me, despite what everyone else thinks.
Disclaimer: No offence intended, but which one are you? My wife's got me down as Grumpy.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Aug 2011   #1770
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" she had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."
She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"
"I sure did, " said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools


Similar help and support threads
Thread Forum
Jokes Thread [4]
No sex after surgery ... A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
Chillout Room
Computer jokes!
Rules: ------------------ One joke per post No repeating of jokes ------------------ Il start: What do you call a computer with no graphics?
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread [3]
:note: continued from - https://www.sevenforums.com/chillout-room/106614-jokes-thread-2 ****** 22 ADULT TRUTHS ****** 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you...
Chillout Room
IT Jokes
If you can read German, then you will appreciate: Die schlechtesten IT-Witze - Derber Humor ohne Gewähr | TecChannel.de
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
Person 1:Knock Knock Person 2:Whos there? Person 1: Boo Person 2: Boo who? :huh: Person 1: ZOMG WHY U CRYIN??!? :p
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room


Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 16:05.
Twitter Facebook Google+ Seven Forums iOS App Seven Forums Android App