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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

27 Aug 2011   #1771
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A very sexy redhead walks into a pub and takes a seat at the end of the bar.
The bartender says to her, "What can I get ya?"
The woman replies, "Give me a Busch Beer."
The bartender gets the beer and sets it in front of her. The woman immediately picks up the beer, slams it down and passes out cold. Three men from the bar drag her out back and have their way with her.
The following night, the same woman goes back to the same pub, takes a seat at the same place at the end of the bar, and the same bartender asks, "What can I get ya?"
The woman replies, "Give me a Busch Beer."
The bartender gets the beer and sets it in front of her. The woman immediately picks up the beer, slams it down and passes out cold. Four men from the bar drag her out back and have their way with her.
The following night, the same woman goes back to the same pub, takes a seat at the same place at the end of the bar, and the same bartender says, "I know, you want a Busch..."
The woman stops him and says, "No, you better make it a Bud Light, that Busch makes my pussy hurt."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Aug 2011   #1772
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Pebbly now that you are back..............
Let me award you the
Jokes Thread 2-naughty.png
badge again!


My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Aug 2011   #1773
djl47

Windows Home Premium 64 Bit
 
 

There once was a lady Ann Heiser
Who thought that no man would surprise her
But Pabst took a chance
Found a Busch in her pants
And now she is sadder Budweiser.
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.

28 Aug 2011   #1774
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A fat man was seated on his front steps drinking a can of beer when a busybody spinster from down the street began to berate him for his appearance.

"What a disgusting sight," she said. "If that belly was on a woman, I'd swear she was pregnant."

To which the man smiled and replied, "Madam, it was and she is."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Aug 2011   #1775
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange."

The doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange.

Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."

Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?"

The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress.

The guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy."

So the doc figures this isn't the reason.

He asks the guy, "How's your home life?"

The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago."

The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress.

But the guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch!"

So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?"

The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I just sit at home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos!"
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28 Aug 2011   #1776
Golden
Microsoft MVP

Windows 7 Ult. x64
 
 

Oh Pebbly. Hahahahahahahah.......................
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28 Aug 2011   #1777
Dom

Windows Seven Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I just sit at home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Aug 2011   #1778
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A man is driving home late one Halloween night and is feeling very horny. As he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander. He thinks to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around here for miles.

He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin, cuts the appropriate size hole in it, and begins to screw the pumpkin. After a while he is really into it, and doesn't notice the police car pulling up.

The cop walks over and says, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"

The man looks at the cop in complete horror, thinks fast and says, "A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Aug 2011   #1779
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky.

The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."

The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch.

Soon the couple on the ground is placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!"

They yell back, "We're not screwing!" A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!"

Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!" Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no screwing!"

They yell back, "We're not screwing!" Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He's not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it.

The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Aug 2011   #1780
Phone Man

Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
 
 

A blind man walks into a bar. Sits down and orders a drink. He then asks if anyone wants to hear a blond joke. The bartender says before you tell your joke you need to know that I am a blond and a female weight lifter, the girl on your right is blond and a professional wrestler and the girl on your left is blond and a professional boxer. Now do you really want to tell a blond joke? He thinks a minuet and replies, never mind I don't want to explain the joke 3 times.

Jim
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