[panais]

This is thankfully not from this forum.

"How do i check my computer's memory usage?"
"I have a dell laptop and I want to check the memory usage on it. Any help?"

Best Answer - Chosen by......

"Check you hardisk. Go to my computer and see your hardisk then it you find one of your hardisk. Click right click and then you will see a list and then choose properties. For me my hardisk is in local disk c"

[Hopalong X]

   Quote: Originally Posted by panais

This is thankfully not from this forum.

"How do i check my computer's memory usage?"
"I have a dell laptop and I want to check the memory usage on it. Any help?"

Best Answer - Chosen by......

"Check you hardisk. Go to my computer and see your hardisk then it you find one of your hardisk. Click right click and then you will see a list and then choose properties. For me my hardisk is in local disk c"

Must have been a Dell Applesauce.

Maybe a Dell OSsux.

[LADYPINKtomato1]

   Quote: Originally Posted by Phone Man

A blind man walks into a bar. Sits down and orders a drink. He then asks if anyone wants to hear a blond joke. The bartender says before you tell your joke you need to know that I am a blond and a female weight lifter, the girl on your right is blond and a professional wrestler and the girl on your left is blond and a professional boxer. Now do you really want to tell a blond joke? He thinks a minuet and replies, never mind I don't want to explain the joke 3 times.

Jim

WTG Jim.. that's a good one.. lol...

[LADYPINKtomato1]

The Wee Button

Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house
exclaiming, "Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come off of me fly?
I can't button me pants."

"Oh Angus, I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs
and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."
About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit
of yelling and the sound of a body falling down the stairs.

Walking back in the door with a blackened eye and a bloody nose comes Angus.

The little lady looks at him and says, "My God, what happened to
ya? Did you ask her like I told you?"

"Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button, an she
did, everything was goin' fine but when she bent doon to bite off
the wee thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in."

[seavixen32]

A man was given a parrot as a birthday gift. Unfortunately, the parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word screeched by the parrot was rude, obnoxious and laced with swearwords.

The man tried everything he could to stop the parrot from swearing too much, but he finally lost patience and yelled at the parrot to shut up. The parrott swore even more profusely, which made the man haul it out of its cage and shake it furiously, but the more the parrot was shook the angrier it became.

In desperation, the man grabbed the parrot and threw it in the freezer and closed the lid. For a few minutes the parrot kicked and squawked, but then there was total silence.

Fearing he'd gone too far, the man quickly opened the freezer lid. The parrot very calmly stepped out of the freezer and stood on the man's outstretched hands and said: "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm very sorry for all the trouble I've caused you and I intend to do anything I can to correct my obnoxious behaviour."

The man was absolutely stunned at this contrite reaction by the parrot, but as he was about to ask what had caused such a dramatic change in attitude, the bird spoke, very softly.

"If it's not too much trouble, may I ask what the chicken did?"

[A Guy]

Lol, a repeat, but still good :)

A Guy

[The Howling Wolves]

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job, given her liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and her jobs as a social worker and school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, I have to ask you this: Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers and I voted for Obama."

[dreamer]

Due to a power outage, The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.. Little Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his feet and spanked him on his bottom And he began to cry. The paramedic then asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

She quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place, spank him again!

[LADYPINKtomato1]

Ring Ringrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
**'Hello?'**


**'Hi, Honey.**

**This is Daddy.**

**Is Mommy near the phone?'**



**'No, Daddy.**

**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Gabe.'**

**After a brief pause,**

**Daddy says,**


**'But Honey, you haven't got an Uncle Gabe.'**



**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**

**Right now..'**

Brief Pause.


**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**

**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**

**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**

**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**


**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**


**A few minutes later**

**The little girl comes back to the phone.**



**'I did it, Daddy.'**

**'And what happened, Honey?' **



'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**


**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**

**And now she isn't moving at all!'**



**'Oh, my God!!! What about your Uncle Gabe?'**



**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**


**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**

**And into the swimming pool.**

**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**

last week to clean it.**



**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**



*****Long Pause*****






*****Longer Pause*****





*****Even Longer Pause*****





**Then Daddy says,**



**'Swimming pool'? ............**


**Is this 486-5731?'*


**No, I think you have the wrong number........*

[seavixen32]

An old Les Dawson joke or two about his mother-in-law.

My mother-in-law lay at death's door, but I said to the wife: "Don't worry, I'll pull her through."

When my mother-in-law visits, the mice jump on the traps.

I always keep a picture of the mother-in-law hanging over the fireplace. Well, it keeps the kids away from the fire.

When the mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I thought: "Good Lord, I didn't think they worked!"