Jokes Thread 2


  1. Posts : 660
    win7
       #1841

    I sometimes think that, both here in the UK and over in the US (and probably elsewhere in the world), we'd be better served by a Congress of baboons!
    WHAT??? You mean we aren't already???
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  2. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #1842

    wilywombat said:
    I sometimes think that, both here in the UK and over in the US (and probably elsewhere in the world), we'd be better served by a Congress of baboons!
    WHAT??? You mean we aren't already???
    I think Dwarf wants to import our baboons to eat his owls in Parliament.

    Dwarf
    We have a No Return policy on exported baboons and Congressmen.

    We can ship the entire city of Washington D.C. to you including our Republican Presidential candidates.
    Not a leader among them, all baboons.
    I think you have a few uninhabited Isles to the north of Scotland that would be a perfect new location.
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  3. Posts : 9,582
    Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
       #1843

    Hopalong X said:
    wilywombat said:
    I sometimes think that, both here in the UK and over in the US (and probably elsewhere in the world), we'd be better served by a Congress of baboons!
    WHAT??? You mean we aren't already???
    I think Dwarf wants to import our baboons to eat his owls in Parliament.

    Dwarf
    We have a No Return policy on exported baboons and Congressmen.

    We can ship the entire city of Washington D.C. to you including our Republican Presidential candidates.
    Not a leader among them, all baboons.
    I think you have a few uninhabited Isles to the north of Scotland that would be a perfect new location.
    It's a deal... on one major condition, and that is you take our good for nothing MPs in exchange. We'll take your Congressmen as we will need something to feed the baboons, and they'll do nicely. It'll probably also be the first (and only) time that any good has come out of any of them.
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  4. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #1844

    Dwarf said:
    It's a deal... on one major condition, and that is you take our good for nothing MPs in exchange. We'll take your Congressmen as we will need something to feed the baboons, and they'll do nicely. It'll probably also be the first (and only) time that any good has come out of any of them.
    Deal on the MP's.

    We have Alcatraz and several Dry Tortugas which includes Fort Jefferson below for the new residents.
    Dry Tortugas - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Fort Jefferson. Moat can include salt water crocs'.
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  5. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1845

    Cozy little Restaurant :

    A Cozy Little Restaurant, An Exceptionally Beautiful Woman, and a Bottle of Merlot...

    I remember her as if it was yesterday; a shame she was so picky. Ah well. .. J
    A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
    So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there'.... And indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
    She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
    The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.
    After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.
    It read:
    'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back..

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  6. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1846

    LADYPINKtomato1 said:
    Cozy little Restaurant :

    A Cozy Little Restaurant, An Exceptionally Beautiful Woman, and a Bottle of Merlot...

    I remember her as if it was yesterday; a shame she was so picky. Ah well. .. J
    A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
    So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there'.... And indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
    She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
    The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.
    After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.
    It read:
    'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back..

    Jokes Thread 2-pandypotty.jpg

    Says in here LPt............You are still a Naughty Girl!
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  7. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1847

    Dennis .. OHHH No...... not again.. I've been caught .
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  8. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1848

    LADYPINKtomato1 said:
    Dennis .. OHHH No...... not again.. I've been caught .
    I will also send you a bottle of wine....
    The brand is Ripple
    I have no money and owe everyone even the shirt off my back...
    But I do qualify with your last request....as long as you accept the endowment plan.


    Pleasant dreams my Razorback Lady...zzzzzzzzzzzzz
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  9. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1849

    This is for Hopalong X and a few other of you old farts!


    BREAKING NEWS!!

    To save the economy, on October 8, 2011, Obama will announce that he is ordering the immigration department to start deporting old people (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.
    Old people are easier to catch, and will not remember how to get back home!

    I started crying when I thought of you.


    RUN, YOU OLD BUZZARD, RUN!!



    Well..... Someone sent it to me and I’m not going alone!
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  10. Posts : 5,405
    Windows 7 Ultimate 64bit SP1
       #1850

    The Howling Wolves said:
    This is for Hopalong X and a few other of you old farts!


    BREAKING NEWS!!

    To save the economy, on October 8, 2011, Obama will announce that he is ordering the immigration department to start deporting old people (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.
    Old people are easier to catch, and will not remember how to get back home!

    I started crying when I thought of you.


    RUN, YOU OLD BUZZARD, RUN!!



    Well..... Someone sent it to me and I’m not going alone!
      My Computer


 

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