Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #181

    Jokes Thread 2-image.jpg

    If that's the case, then I would be headed for the tavern for a Whiskey IV hook up!
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  2. Posts : 7,781
    Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
       #182

    I burglar breaks into a house. He's barely taken two steps when he hears a disembodied voice say:

    "Jesus is watching"

    The burglar freezes in his tracks and waits for 5 minutes, but nothing happens.

    As he starts to move, he hears the same voice saying: "Jesus is watching"

    He stands still for 5 minutes, and then reaches into his pocket and turns on his flashlight.

    As he scans the room, he see's a parrot in a cage in the corner of the room.

    He looks at the parrot and says "Hey Parrot, was that you?"

    The parrot looks back and says "Yes, it was."

    The burglar chuckles and says "So what's your name bird?"

    The bird says "My name is Polly."

    The burglar laughs and says "Geeez, that's a stupid name. Who's the idiot that gave you that name?"

    The bird says "The same idiot that named the Rottweiler Jesus."
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  3. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #183

    This Funny World... what harm ?
    Attachment 100092
    Last edited by LADYPINKtomato1; 14 Dec 2010 at 22:04.
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  4. Posts : 11
    Windows 7 Ultimate
       #184

    The Best Joke Ever?



    The best joke ever?


    .
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  5. Posts : 762
    Windows 2000 5.0 Build 2195
       #185

    Borg 386 said:
    I burglar breaks into a house. He's barely taken two steps when he hears a disembodied voice say..
    The other version I've read (from this thread also) says that the parrot's name is Moses.
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  6. Posts : 281
    Windows 7 Pro 64bit SP1
       #186

    Scene - the breakfast table.
    She (quoting from newspaper) reads,
    "It says here that those who avoid alcohol have longer lives."
    He: "Serves 'em right."
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  7. Posts : 22,814
    W 7 64-bit Ultimate
       #187

    nithig said:
    Scene - the breakfast table.
    She (quoting from newspaper) reads,
    "It says here that those who avoid alcohol have longer lives."
    He: "Serves 'em right."





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  8. Posts : 2,493
    Windows 7 64Bit
       #188

    LADYPINKtomato1 said:
    This Funny World... what harm ?
    Attachment 100092
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  9. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #189

    Glad you liked it also...
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  10. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit
       #190

    A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress.
    A sign read: 'Don't Miss Derek The Amazing Scotsman'. The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.
    There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it.
    Standing next to it was an old Scotsman.
    Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge willy and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings!
    The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

    Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded sign for the same circus and
    The same sign 'Don't Miss Derek The Amazing Scotsman'.
    He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his act!
    He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated.
    This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.
    The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.
    The crowd went wild!
    Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
    'You're incredible!' he told the Scotsman. 'But I have to know
    Something. You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts?'



    'Well laddie,' said the Scot, 'Ma eyes are nae whit they used tae be.'
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