New
#211
Jokes Thread 2
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Posts : 9,606 Win7 Enterprise, Win7 x86 (Ult 7600), Win7 x64 Ult 7600, TechNet RTM on AMD x64 (2.8Ghz)New #213Divorced Barbie
The Divorced Barbie Doll
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.
The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.
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New #216
I did NOT know this...
The Silent Generation are people born before 1946.
The Baby Boomers are people born between 1946 and1959
Generation X are people born between 1960 and 1989.
Generation Y are people born between 1990 and now.
Why do we call the last one generation " Y "?
Attachment 102011
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humour and a bad memory.Last edited by LADYPINKtomato1; 14 Dec 2010 at 23:04.
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New #217
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when through a gap in the door he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere. Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move and lets his overalls fall down to his hips revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Grabbing both sides of his shirt he rips it apart to reveal his stained tee shirt underneath. With a final flourish he tears the tee shirt from his body and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough Cletus rushes in and says "what the heck are you doing Billy Bob."
"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob, "but me and the Ole lady been having trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
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New #218
Only the Best
"Ours is a good restaurant," said the manager. "If you order an egg, you get the freshest egg in the world. If you order hot coffee, you get the hottest coffee in the world, and..."
"I believe you," said the customer. "I ordered a small steak."
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New #219
Rachel, Clare and Samantha haven't seen each other since School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar. Rachel arrives first, wearing an Alannah Hill outfit. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.
Clare arrives shortly afterward, in Sass & Bide. After the required ritualized kisses she joins Rachel in a glass of wine.
Then Samantha walks in, wearing a faded old T-shirt, jeans and boots. She, too, shares the wine.
Rachel explains that after leaving Lauriston and graduating from Melbourne Uni Arts, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has two beautiful daughters. Timothy is a partner at Mallesons. They live in a large house in Toorak, where Charlotte and Emma, their daughters also have their tennis lessons. They have a holiday house in Portsea and regularly ski in Canada.
Clare relates she graduated from Monash Medicine and became a orthapaedic surgeon. Her husband, Edward, is a high profile Macquarie investment banker. They live in a Brighton beachfront mansion and have a holiday flat in Little Cove, Noosa.
Samantha explains she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Ben. They run a tropical bird park in the Byron Bay hinterland and grow their own vegetables. Ben can stand five parrots, side by side, on his dick.
Half way down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Rachel blurts out her husband is actually a bank teller at Commonwealth Bank. They live in a small house in Mitcham and have a caravan for their holidays at Tootgarook.
Clare, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, explains that she and Edward are both nurses' aides in a retirement home. They live in Rosanna and take holiday camping trips to Torquay.
Samantha admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.
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New #220
Amazing Bar Stool Economics
From the University of Georgia
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100 and If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.)
So, that's what they decided to do.
The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20." so drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected...
They would still drink for free...
But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'...
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33...
But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer..
So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.
And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before...
And the first four continued to drink for free...
But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.
"I only got a dollar out of the $20,"declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man", but he got $10"!
"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I"!
"That's true" shouted the seventh man! "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks"!
"Wait a minute", yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor"!
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of Georgia
For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.
Amazing Bar Stool Economics
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