New
#241
Jokes Thread 2
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New #242
Little bunny goes to a bakery and says:
Hello, do you have loaves small small ?
Baker responds that he has no small small loaves.
Next day same story. On the third day, the baker felt sorry for the bunny and makes small small loaves. Rabbit appears, as usual, and ask about loaves small small.
The baker said : - Yes , little bunny, I have loaves small small.
- And who buy them? said the little bunny.
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New #244
Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the mighty pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on deck recounting the triumph of earlier. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"
The Captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders.
Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants."
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New #245
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl.
"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"
"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
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New #248
Idle Thoughts.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it…
I had amnesia once—or twice…
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world was a logical place,
men would be the ones who ride horses’ sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
My weight is perfect for my height—which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
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