Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 2,493
    Windows 7 64Bit
       #311

    Kirsch said:
    My wife is a famous porn star......


    But she would be pissed if she ever found out!

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  2. Posts : 63
    Windows 7 Professional x64
       #312

    So a farmer is driving his truck down an old dusty road when a cop pulls him over and says "Excuse me sir, but your wife fell out of your truck about a quarter mile back!" The farmer looks at the cop and says "REALLY?! Oh thank god, I thought I had gone deaf!"

    When a man falls overboard, you say "Man overboard!"
    When his wife falls overboard, you say "FULL SPEED AHEAD!"

    Yeah...thats the best I have in my arsenal...:)
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  3. Posts : 7,538
    Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit
       #313

    Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

    Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
    This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial
    Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the
    editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a
    correction the next day.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

    Now that's taking things a bit far!
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

    What a guy!
    ---------------------------------------------------------------

    Miners Refuse to Work after Death

    No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
    ------------------------------------------------------
    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

    See if that works any better than a fair trial!
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    War Dims Hope for Peace

    I can see where it might have that effect!
    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

    Ya think?!
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

    Who would have thought!
    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

    They may be on to something!
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

    You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

    He probably IS the battery charge!
    ----------------------------------------------
    New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

    Weren't they fat enough?!
    -----------------------------------------------

    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

    That's what he gets for eating those beans!
    ---------------- ---------------------------------

    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    Do they taste like chicken?
    ****************************************

    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
    Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
    ***************************************************
    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
    Boy, are they tall!


    *******************************************
    And the winner is....



    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


    Did I read that right?
    ***************************************************
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  4. Posts : 1,364
    Win7 Ultimate x64
       #314

    Excellent Joan.

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  5. Posts : 11,991
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #315

    Hilarious, Joan; I'm still laughing!
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  6. Posts : 1,214
    Windows 7 Ultimate x64 (XP, 98SE, 95, 3.11, DOS 7.10 on VM) + Ubuntu 10.04 LTS Lucid Lynx
       #316

    I think they shouldn't proof read them too well.
    Its things like these that makes newspapers interesting.
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  7. Posts : 53
    Windows 7 Ultimate x64, # Windows Vista Home Premium 32bit
       #317

    A blonde walking by a road,

    Sees a board saying "50% of blondes are dumb!"

    She is filled with anger, she thinks,

    And thinks,

    And thinks,

    And thinks,

    And thinks,.....

    At last she edits the board saying, "50% of blondes are dumb!"

    to "50% of blondes are >Not< dumb!".
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 208
    Windows 7 64 bit
       #318

    A man went to a urologist and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get his manhood erect.

    The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection and there was nothing he could actually do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is willing to take the risk.

    The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephants trunk into his 'old fella'.

    The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.

    A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment.

    As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his 'old fella' sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers.

    His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, "That was incredible! Can you do that again?"

    With tears in his eyes he replied, 'I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse'
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  9. Posts : 384
    Windows 7 Home Premium x64
       #319

    Love it
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  10. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit
       #320

    Not many people know of this interesting fact!

    In 1872 the New Zealanders invented the condom, using a sheep's bladder.

    In 1873 the Australians somewhat refined the idea by taking the bladder out of the sheep first..
      My Computer


 
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