Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 3,012
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #341

    Joan Archer said:
    At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'

    The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'

    Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.'

    .
    .
      My Computer


  2. Posts : 129
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64
       #342

    Simon, a customer, visits PC Shop, the computer store, 'I'm looking for a mystery adventure game with lots of graphics; you know, something really challenging.'

    'Well,' replies the shop assistant, 'Have you tried Windows Vista?'
      My Computer


  3. Posts : 11,991
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #343

    Bugsy said:
    Simon, a customer, visits PC Shop, the computer store, 'I'm looking for a mystery adventure game with lots of graphics; you know, something really challenging.'

    'Well,' replies the shop assistant, 'Have you tried Windows Vista?'
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 129
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64
       #344

    I dont mean to offend any vista user's who might be hiding out there, I mean... I was once a vista user not fan but user :)
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  5. Posts : 7,538
    Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit
       #345

    EVER WONDER ...

    Why the sun lightens our hair,
    but darkens our skin?

    Why women can't put on mascara
    with their mouth closed?

    Why don't you ever see the headline
    'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

    Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

    Why is it that doctors call what
    they do 'practice'?

    Why is lemon juice made with
    artificial flavor, and dish washing
    liquid made with real lemons?

    Why is the man who invests all
    your money called a broker?

    Why is the time of day with the
    slowest traffic called rush hour?

    Why isn't there mouse-flavored
    cat food?

    Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

    Why do they sterilize the needle
    for lethal injections?

    You know that indestructible black
    box that is used on airplanes? Why
    don't they make the whole plane out
    of that stuff?!

    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

    Why are they called apartments
    when they are all stuck together?

    If con is the opposite of pro, is
    Congress the opposite of progress?

    If flying is so safe, why do they call
    the airport the terminal?
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  6. Posts : 129
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64
       #346

    'Known issue' - It's just the solution that is unknown.

    Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

    Hold down the Numb Lock. Now phone 555-1212-4590 and ask for Lulu.

    Path not found. Try the grass shortcut.

    Kennel stack overflow problem. Your new Patch is now available. Call at the vet and collect your dog.
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 129
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64
       #347

    FILE EXTENSIONS;


    .bin = Trash collector
    .dic = Private eye
    .fav = Boot licker
    .gem = Jeweller
    .ico = Office pin-up
    .mam = Midwife
    .mapi = Planning officer
    .png = Table Tennis Champion
    .pub = Alcoholic
    .rat = Spy
    .snd = Disk Jockey
    .sys = Sister
    .tiff = Marriage guidance counsellor
    .wav = Cheerleader
    .wiz = Magician
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 129
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64
       #348

    There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
    When asked to define "great" he replied, 'I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!'
    He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
      My Computer


  9. Posts : 129
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64
       #349

    I'm quite sad really ain't I, I have a list of jokes as long as my arm that i have had for about a year now that i got from work :)
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 129
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64
       #350

    While my next door neighbour, Ian, was tapping away on his home computer, his seven year old son, Nathan, sneaked up behind him.
    Then Nathan turned and ran downstairs into the kitchen, bellowing to the rest of the family, 'I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!
    ''What is it?' Mia, his elder sister asked gently but eagerly.
    Proudly Nathan shouted, 'It's asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk.'
      My Computer


 
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