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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

01 Nov 2010   #351
Bugsy

Windows 7 Ultimate X64
 
 

PRACTICAL JOKES;

Tape over the optical sensor of your friend's mouse.
Variation of this idea. Unplug the original mouse. Plug in a fake mouse. When they check the connection it seems to be working. One from Dr Devious.

Alter someone's Word Autocorrect.
Launch Word for Windows.
Find 'Proofing settings'. Make changes to AutoCorrect, e.g.
a to ye.
I to you.

On someone else's machine press set High Contrast mode
Press: Shift + ALT + PrintScreen.
Note 1: You need Shift and not Ctrl. Also use the Left Alt and not the right.
Note 2: To Undo press the same combination: Shift + ALT + Printscreen.
Note 3: Learn from this madness by checking out the Ease of access settings in Control Panel.

Variation, turn on Narrator and drive the computer user mad. Control Panel --> Ease of access.

You could edit the host file entry to direct google.com to a different site. [You need some technical expertise to edit:
C: \Windows\System32\drivers\etc ]

Naughty naughty!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Nov 2010   #352
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

One of the British national daily newspapers is asking readers: "What does it mean to be British?" Some of the emails are hilarious but this is one from a chap in Switzerland ...

"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture & watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Nov 2010   #353
Kari

 

A supermarket. 10 AM. A blonde is standing very still in the middle of the aisle, holding a can of orange juice, looking it very intensively, not a muscle moving in her face.

12 PM. She's still there.

4:30 PM. Blonde has not moved, still looking the juice can.

7:55 PM. A clerk walks to the blonde:

-"Excuse me, you have to leave now. We are closing. Anyway, you have been standing there all the day, holding that can. May I ask why?"

-"Are you stupid or what? Read what's written here.", says the blonde and shows the can to the clerk.

CONCENTRATE, reads the clerk, written in big letters on the side of the can...
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

02 Nov 2010   #354
spinifex

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Kari View Post
A supermarket. 10 AM. A blonde is standing very still in the middle of the aisle, holding a can of orange juice, looking it very intensively, not a muscle moving in her face.

12 PM. She's still there.

4:30 PM. Blonde has not moved, still looking the juice can.

7:55 PM. A clerk walks to the blonde:

-"Excuse me, you have to leave now. We are closing. Anyway, you have been standing there all the day, holding that can. May I ask why?"

-"Are you stupid or what? Read what's written here.", says the blonde and shows the can to the clerk.

CONCENTRATE, reads the clerk, written in big letters on the side of the can...
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Nov 2010   #355
Tews

64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
 
 

Job Interview

While being interviewed for a job, the personnel manager said to the Maguire brothers:

'We're going to give you a written examination. Ten questions. Whoever gets most right we'll hire.'

Papers were produced and the boys set to work answering the general knowledge questions. When the time was up the personnel manager collected and marked the papers.

'Well,' said he, 'you've both got nine out often, but I'm giving Mick the job.'

'Why's that?' asked Pat.

'Well,' said the manager, 'you both got the same question wrong but he had

'I don't know this' and you had 'Neither do I!'.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Nov 2010   #356
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever

I just hope my wife doesn't read this.
If you don't see me tomorrow look in the Obituary Column..
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Nov 2010   #357
spinifex

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever

I just hope my wife doesn't read this.
If you don't see me tomorrow look in the Obituary Column..
Checking Obituary Column.

F5
F5
F5
F5
F5
F5
Nothing yet
F5
F5
F5

F5
F5
F5
F5
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Nov 2010   #358
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by spinifex View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever

I just hope my wife doesn't read this.
If you don't see me tomorrow look in the Obituary Column..
Checking Obituary Column.

F5
F5
F5
F5
F5
F5
Nothing yet
F5
F5
F5

F5
F5
F5
F5
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
She just woke up and told her I had a BSOD problem with the computer...hehehehe
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Nov 2010   #359
spinifex

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by spinifex View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever

I just hope my wife doesn't read this.
If you don't see me tomorrow look in the Obituary Column..
Checking Obituary Column.

F5
F5
F5
F5
F5
F5
Nothing yet
F5
F5
F5

F5
F5
F5
F5
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
She just woke up and told her I had a BSOD problem with the computer...hehehehe
Best you post a message in the correct forum, so you can show her if need be.

Seee, i told ya honey. The folk at SevenForums are brilliant and fixed it straight away.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Nov 2010   #360
Thorsen

Win7 Home Premium 64x
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by spinifex View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever

I just hope my wife doesn't read this.
If you don't see me tomorrow look in the Obituary Column..
Checking Obituary Column.

F5
F5
F5
F5
F5
F5
Nothing yet
F5
F5
F5

F5
F5
F5
F5
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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