Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 129
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64
       #351

    PRACTICAL JOKES;

    Tape over the optical sensor of your friend's mouse.
    Variation of this idea. Unplug the original mouse. Plug in a fake mouse. When they check the connection it seems to be working. One from Dr Devious.

    Alter someone's Word Autocorrect.
    Launch Word for Windows.
    Find 'Proofing settings'. Make changes to AutoCorrect, e.g.
    a to ye.
    I to you.

    On someone else's machine press set High Contrast mode
    Press: Shift + ALT + PrintScreen.
    Note 1: You need Shift and not Ctrl. Also use the Left Alt and not the right.
    Note 2: To Undo press the same combination: Shift + ALT + Printscreen.
    Note 3: Learn from this madness by checking out the Ease of access settings in Control Panel.

    Variation, turn on Narrator and drive the computer user mad. Control Panel --> Ease of access.

    You could edit the host file entry to direct google.com to a different site. [You need some technical expertise to edit:
    C: \Windows\System32\drivers\etc ]

    Naughty naughty!!
      My Computer


  2. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit
       #352

    One of the British national daily newspapers is asking readers: "What does it mean to be British?" Some of the emails are hilarious but this is one from a chap in Switzerland ...

    "Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture & watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign."
      My Computer


  3. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #353

    A supermarket. 10 AM. A blonde is standing very still in the middle of the aisle, holding a can of orange juice, looking it very intensively, not a muscle moving in her face.

    12 PM. She's still there.

    4:30 PM. Blonde has not moved, still looking the juice can.

    7:55 PM. A clerk walks to the blonde:

    -"Excuse me, you have to leave now. We are closing. Anyway, you have been standing there all the day, holding that can. May I ask why?"

    -"Are you stupid or what? Read what's written here.", says the blonde and shows the can to the clerk.

    CONCENTRATE, reads the clerk, written in big letters on the side of the can...
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 1,364
    Win7 Ultimate x64
       #354

    Kari said:
    A supermarket. 10 AM. A blonde is standing very still in the middle of the aisle, holding a can of orange juice, looking it very intensively, not a muscle moving in her face.

    12 PM. She's still there.

    4:30 PM. Blonde has not moved, still looking the juice can.

    7:55 PM. A clerk walks to the blonde:

    -"Excuse me, you have to leave now. We are closing. Anyway, you have been standing there all the day, holding that can. May I ask why?"

    -"Are you stupid or what? Read what's written here.", says the blonde and shows the can to the clerk.

    CONCENTRATE, reads the clerk, written in big letters on the side of the can...
      My Computer


  5. Posts : 11,840
    64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
       #355

    Job Interview

    While being interviewed for a job, the personnel manager said to the Maguire brothers:

    'We're going to give you a written examination. Ten questions. Whoever gets most right we'll hire.'

    Papers were produced and the boys set to work answering the general knowledge questions. When the time was up the personnel manager collected and marked the papers.

    'Well,' said he, 'you've both got nine out often, but I'm giving Mick the job.'

    'Why's that?' asked Pat.

    'Well,' said the manager, 'you both got the same question wrong but he had

    'I don't know this' and you had 'Neither do I!'.
      My Computer


  6. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #356

    What do you call a smart blonde?

    A golden retriever

    I just hope my wife doesn't read this.
    If you don't see me tomorrow look in the Obituary Column..
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 1,364
    Win7 Ultimate x64
       #357

    The Howling Wolves said:
    What do you call a smart blonde?

    A golden retriever

    I just hope my wife doesn't read this.
    If you don't see me tomorrow look in the Obituary Column..
    Checking Obituary Column.

    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    Nothing yet
    F5
    F5
    F5

    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #358

    spinifex said:
    The Howling Wolves said:
    What do you call a smart blonde?

    A golden retriever

    I just hope my wife doesn't read this.
    If you don't see me tomorrow look in the Obituary Column..
    Checking Obituary Column.

    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    Nothing yet
    F5
    F5
    F5

    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    She just woke up and told her I had a BSOD problem with the computer...hehehehe
      My Computer


  9. Posts : 1,364
    Win7 Ultimate x64
       #359

    The Howling Wolves said:
    spinifex said:
    The Howling Wolves said:
    What do you call a smart blonde?

    A golden retriever

    I just hope my wife doesn't read this.
    If you don't see me tomorrow look in the Obituary Column..
    Checking Obituary Column.

    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    Nothing yet
    F5
    F5
    F5

    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    She just woke up and told her I had a BSOD problem with the computer...hehehehe
    Best you post a message in the correct forum, so you can show her if need be.

    Seee, i told ya honey. The folk at SevenForums are brilliant and fixed it straight away.
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 3,300
    Win7 Home Premium 64x
       #360

    spinifex said:
    The Howling Wolves said:
    What do you call a smart blonde?

    A golden retriever

    I just hope my wife doesn't read this.
    If you don't see me tomorrow look in the Obituary Column..
    Checking Obituary Column.

    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    Nothing yet
    F5
    F5
    F5

    F5
    F5
    F5
    F5
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
      My Computer


 
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