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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

02 Nov 2010   #361
Bugsy

Windows 7 Ultimate X64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BrightBlessings View Post
One of the British national daily newspapers is asking readers: "What does it mean to be British?" Some of the emails are hilarious but this is one from a chap in Switzerland ...

"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture & watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign."

very good!
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02 Nov 2010   #362
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Tews View Post
Job Interview

While being interviewed for a job, the personnel manager said to the Maguire brothers:

'We're going to give you a written examination. Ten questions. Whoever gets most right we'll hire.'

Papers were produced and the boys set to work answering the general knowledge questions. When the time was up the personnel manager collected and marked the papers.

'Well,' said he, 'you've both got nine out often, but I'm giving Mick the job.'

'Why's that?' asked Pat.

'Well,' said the manager, 'you both got the same question wrong but he had

'I don't know this' and you had 'Neither do I!'.

LMAO!
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02 Nov 2010   #363
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

A plane was on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class got up, moved to the First Class section and sat down.
The Flight attendant watched her do this and asked to see her ticket.
She then told the blonde passenger that she will have to return to her Economy seat.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!"
The flight attendant went into the cockpit and told the pilot and co-pilot that there was a blonde bimbo
sitting in First Class who belonged in Economy who wouldn't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot went back to the blonde and tried to explain that, because she only paid for Economy,
she was only entitled to an Economy seat and she would have to return to her original seat.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!"
Exasperated, the co-pilot told the pilot that it was no use and he probably should have the police
waiting when they land to arrest the blonde, because she wouldn't listen to reason.
"You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde, so I can speak blonde!" said the pilot.
The pilot went back to the blonde, and whispered in her ear.
She said, "Oh I'm sorry - I had no idea", then got up and moved back to her seat in Economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot were amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

The pilot replied, 'I told her, First Class isn't going to Melbourne '.
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.

02 Nov 2010   #364
lorddenis

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BrightBlessings View Post
A plane was on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class got up, moved to the First Class section and sat down.
The Flight attendant watched her do this and asked to see her ticket.
She then told the blonde passenger that she will have to return to her Economy seat.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!"
The flight attendant went into the cockpit and told the pilot and co-pilot that there was a blonde bimbo
sitting in First Class who belonged in Economy who wouldn't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot went back to the blonde and tried to explain that, because she only paid for Economy,
she was only entitled to an Economy seat and she would have to return to her original seat.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!"
Exasperated, the co-pilot told the pilot that it was no use and he probably should have the police
waiting when they land to arrest the blonde, because she wouldn't listen to reason.
"You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde, so I can speak blonde!" said the pilot.
The pilot went back to the blonde, and whispered in her ear.
She said, "Oh I'm sorry - I had no idea", then got up and moved back to her seat in Economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot were amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

The pilot replied, 'I told her, First Class isn't going to Melbourne '.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Nov 2010   #365
Bugsy

Windows 7 Ultimate X64
 
 

George landed his first computer programming position and he was thrilled. His father, Colin, although a stranger to the field, shared George's enthusiasm and welcomed him at the door when he arrived home after his first day, inquiring, 'What did you do at work today?'
He listened intently while George explained in great detail his eight hours of COBOL, binary code and JCL errors.
When George arrived home the following night, once again his father, Colin, was waiting at the front door. 'So,' he greeted George, 'what did you have for lunch today?'
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02 Nov 2010   #366
dobhar

Windows 7 Ultimate
 
 
First Grade Drawing - PRICELESS!

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for her homework assignment. The teacher graded it and the child brought it home. She returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be perfectly clear on my child's homework illustration. This picture is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me selling a shovel.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Harrington
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03 Nov 2010   #367
gladson1976

Windows 7 Ultimate x64 (XP, 98SE, 95, 3.11, DOS 7.10 on VM) + Ubuntu 10.04 LTS Lucid Lynx
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by dobhar View Post
A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for her homework assignment. The teacher graded it and the child brought it home. She returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be perfectly clear on my child's homework illustration. This picture is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me selling a shovel.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Harrington
Now that is a new twist to the story
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03 Nov 2010   #368
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

How To Speak Kiwi

FOR BIST EFFICT ? RID THESE OUT LOUD

Milburn - Capital of Victoria
Pissed aside - Chemical to kill insects
Pug - What bacon comes from
Miss Kara - Eye make up
Mere - Mayor
Lift - Departed
Ken's &n bsp; - Cairns
Jumbo - Pet name for Jim
Inner me - Enemy
Fush - Marine creature from the ocean
Ever Cardeau - Avacado
Ear - Mix of nitrogen and oxygen
Amejen - Visualise
Day old chuck - Very young poultry
Bun Button &nbs p; - Been bitten by insect
Chully bin - An esky
Ear Noo Zulland - An extinct airline
Veerjun - Mythical New Zealand virgin
Brudge - Structure spanning a river
Tin - One more than nine
Earplane - A large flying machine
Sivven Sucks Sivven - A Boeing Aircraft
Pits - Domestic animals
Munce - Usually served on toast
Peck - To put clothes in a suitcase
Pigs - For hanging out the washing
Nin tin dough - A computer game
Min - Male of the species
McKennonk - Person who repairs cars
Leather&nbs p; - Foam produced from soap
Kiri Pecker - Well known businessman
Kittle Crusps - Potato chips.
Jungle Bills - A Christmas carol
Guess - A vapour
Fitter Cheney - Type of pasta
Fear Hear - Blonde
Duffy Cult - Not easy
Ear Roebucks - Exercise at the gym
Bug Hut - Very popular recording
Beard - A thing you sleep in
Sucks Peck - Half a dozen beers
Beers - A large animal in US forests
One doze - Common computed programme
Sex - One less than seven
Leggs Ecktly - Precisely
Cuds & nbsp; - Children
Sivven For Sevven - Larger Boeing
Cuttin - Small cat
Beggage Chucken - A place to leave your luggage at the airport.
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03 Nov 2010   #369
xarden

Windows 7 Enterprise
 
 

Lol. You forgot Fush and chups and sorse.
Oh... no sorry, thats in the 'How to speak Orstrarleein' post.
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03 Nov 2010   #370
spinifex

 
 

Don't forget words like:

Chilly bin
Dairy
Jandels
Jutter bars, etc.

In case anyone has not had dealings with Kiwi's, this will enlighten you.

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