Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 256
    Win 7 ultimate x64 sp1
       #371

    Tews said:
    Job Interview

    While being interviewed for a job While interviewing them for a job, the personnel manager said to the Maguire brothers:

    'We're going to give you a written examination. Ten questions. Whoever gets most right we'll hire.'

    Papers were produced and the boys set to work answering the general knowledge questions. When the time was up the personnel manager collected and marked the papers.

    'Well,' said he, 'you've both got nine out often of ten, but I'm giving Mick the job.'

    'Why's that?' asked Pat.

    'Well,' said the manager, 'you both got the same question wrong but he had

    'I don't know this' and you had 'Neither do I!'.

    i give it a nine out of ten i think i understood what you thought you said; i speak a bit of blonde since one of my wives was so afflicted... and Millie is a proper Irish lassie, having been born and raced professionally in dublin, so i also understand a bit of celtic, tho she does have a slight speech impediment. the personnel manager was not really being interviewed, and the brothers were not often getting out for 9 holes of golf.
    Last edited by kronckew; 03 Nov 2010 at 04:06.
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  2. Posts : 281
    Windows 7 Pro 64bit SP1
       #372

    I muss chocolate fush
    and the bist milkshakes in the wurld
    an if New Zild had mineral wealth I woodn'd have lift.
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  3. Posts : 966
    Windows 7 Enterprise
       #373

    spinifex said:
    Don't forget words like:

    Chilly bin
    Dairy
    Jandels
    Jutter bars, etc.

    In case anyone has not had dealings with Kiwi's, this will enlighten you.

    Chully bun.
    shop
    flip flops
    speed bomps.

    Oh gah... I actually some of these beached as bro t-shirt's. They were far beached as on a rack bro, in the 'fashionable' teen's shop at the mall. I was passing by. I was beached as and wanted a chup.
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  4. Posts : 1,364
    Win7 Ultimate x64
       #374

    xarden, I work in mining and hence work alongside lots of your Bro's from the north island and the mainland.:)
    Never a dull moment, lol.
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  5. Posts : 281
    Windows 7 Pro 64bit SP1
       #375

    I work in mining
    Spinifex, you must work in the West Island.
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  6. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #376

    POINTS TO PONDER








    If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

    Can you cry under water?

    How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

    Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

    Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

    Why does a round pizza come in a square box ?

    What disease did cured ham actually have?

    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

    Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby " when babies wake up like every two hours?

    If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?


    Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    Why do doctors leave the room while you change?

    They're going to see you naked anyway.

    Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat ?

    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

    Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

    If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

    They're both dogs!

    If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    Why did you just try singing the two songs above ?

    Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
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  7. Posts : 1,364
    Win7 Ultimate x64
       #377

    nithig said:
    I work in mining
    Spinifex, you must work in the West Island.
    You definitely would be a k one w one, lol.

    Oh, and yes, i work in the west island. (mutter, mutter, mutter)
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  8. Posts : 83
    Windows 7 Pro (64bit).
       #378

    Bugsy said:
    George landed his first computer programming position and he was thrilled. His father, Colin, although a stranger to the field, shared George's enthusiasm and welcomed him at the door when he arrived home after his first day, inquiring, 'What did you do at work today?'
    He listened intently while George explained in great detail his eight hours of COBOL, binary code and JCL errors.
    When George arrived home the following night, once again his father, Colin, was waiting at the front door. 'So,' he greeted George, 'what did you have for lunch today?'
    When I were a lad... 1972-ish... the operating system on the first computer I used was called "George".

    Funny thing is, I was using COBOL and JCL too....
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  9. Posts : 9,582
    Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
       #379

    bjrichus said:
    When I were a lad... 1972-ish... the operating system on the first computer I used was called "George".
    He then upgraded to Bungle and Zippy!
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  10. Posts : 281
    Windows 7 Pro 64bit SP1
       #380

    For the Aussies and Kiwis.

    Why do NZ famers call a sheep 'mate'?






    Kumate, kumate ...
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