Jokes Thread 2

CarlTR6 · 13 Nov 2010

Tews said:

A
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

I love it!!

slash3r · 13 Nov 2010

Tews said:

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms

and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.

I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Forgive me, for I am stupid, but I don't understand the punch line. Can someone enlighten me?

WindowsStar · 13 Nov 2010

slash3r said:

[Forgive me, for I am stupid, but I don't understand the punch line. Can someone enlighten me?

The turkey is FROZEN! He left it in the freezer extra long. He is dead.

Thorsen · 14 Nov 2010

Passionate Lady....

"Welcome to the Sunnyvale Horseracing Track, I'm your announcer Richard Small. Before the race begins, lets have a look at the line up...

Lineup:

In lane 1. Passionate Lady
In lane 2. Bare Belly
In lane 3. Silk Panties
In lane 4. Conscience
In lane 5. Jockey Shorts
In lane 6. Clean Sheets
In lane 7. Thighs
In lane 8. Big Johnson
In lane 9. Heavy Bosom
In lane 10. Merry Cherry

THEY'RE OFF!!!

Conscience is left behind at the gate.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson is in a dangerous spot.

AT THE HALFWAY MARK:

It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Johnson is pressed in.
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.

AT THE STRETCH:

Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Big Johnson is making a final drive.
Bare Belly is in and Passionate Lady is coming.

AT THE FINISH:

It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and
Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson comes through with one final thrust and wins by a head...

Bare Belly shows...

Thighs weakens...

Heavy Bosom pulls up and Clean Sheets never had a chance."

Trucidation · 14 Nov 2010

What creatively named horses

The Howling Wolves said:

MY LAST TRIP TO Costco

Kirsch · 15 Nov 2010

slash3r said:

Forgive me, for I am stupid, but I don't understand the punch line. Can someone enlighten me?

If you buy a Turkey, where do you store it? The freezer.

The bird saw the frozen turkey in the freezer and decided to calm down :)

gladson1976 · 16 Nov 2010

This really works!

I came across these simple exercises recently and thought I should share‚ them with you. The article suggested doing it three times a week.

1. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 2kg potato sack in each hand, extend your arms‚ straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to‚ reach a full minute, and then relax.

2. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit‚ longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 5kg potato sacks. Then 25kg‚ potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 50kg‚ potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute
(I'm at this level).

3. After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

BrightBlessings · 16 Nov 2010

An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
Holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam..
I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress
Is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands
To hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties
And your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man
And replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!"

yowanvista · 16 Nov 2010

BrightBlessings said:

An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
Holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam..
I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress
Is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands
To hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties
And your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man
And replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!"

CarlTR6 · 17 Nov 2010

1. Go to Google maps Google Maps
2. Go to Get Directions
3. Type in Japan for start location
4. Type in China for the end location
5. Scroll down to direction #43......
6. Laugh

Jokes Thread 2

Exercises