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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

26 Nov 2010   #471
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Santa is getting in shape for the hard task ahead.....0
Jokes Thread 2-comedancewithme.gif
Get down Big Boy.........Get Down..


My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Nov 2010   #472
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

The Navy Chief noticed a new sailor on board his ship and barked at him "Get over here Sailor. What's your name?'

"John" the new seaman replied.

The Navy Chief frowned and said:

"Look son, I don't know what kind of bleeding heart pansy crap they're teaching you sailors at boot camp these days, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and leads to a breakdown in authority!"

"I refer to sailors by their last names, Smith, Jones, whatever. And you are to refer to me as Chief!. Do I make myself clear sailor?!"

The sailor responded "Aye Aye Chief!"

"Okay" the Chief responded, "Now that we have that clear, what's your last name?"

The seaman sighed, "Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief"

There was a momentary silence. Finally The Navy Chief said "Okay John, here's what I want you to do....."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Nov 2010   #473
evil c

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 


A woman went into a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said £20.00.

"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I have to tell you that this bird has lived in a House of Prostitution for the past twenty years and sometimes it says some pretty rough stuff."

The woman thought about this, but eventually decided that at the price she had to have the bird anyway. So she took it home, hung the parrot's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The parrot looked around the room, then at her, turned his head to one side and said, "New house, new Madam!"

The woman was a bit offended at the implication, but then thought, "Well, it could be worse."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new Madam, new girls!"

The girls were also a bit offended by the parrot’s comments, but then they began to laugh, considering how and where it had been living for the past twenty years.

A few minutes later, the woman's husband Frank came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Frank."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

28 Nov 2010   #474
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by evil c View Post

A woman went into a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said £20.00.

"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I have to tell you that this bird has lived in a House of Prostitution for the past twenty years and sometimes it says some pretty rough stuff."

The woman thought about this, but eventually decided that at the price she had to have the bird anyway. So she took it home, hung the parrot's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The parrot looked around the room, then at her, turned his head to one side and said, "New house, new Madam!"

The woman was a bit offended at the implication, but then thought, "Well, it could be worse."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new Madam, new girls!"

The girls were also a bit offended by the parrot’s comments, but then they began to laugh, considering how and where it had been living for the past twenty years.

A few minutes later, the woman's husband Frank came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Frank."
LOL!

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Nov 2010   #475
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
Beer contains female hormones!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Nov 2010   #476
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

A Scottish Soldier in full dress uniform marches into a chemist shop.

Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandanna,

unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds

to reveal a condom.
The condom has a number of patches on it.


The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.

"How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the chemist.

"Six pence," says the chemist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence" says the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief

and the cotton bandanna, replaces it carefully in his sporran and marches

out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside,

followed by an even greater shout.

The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemist and addresses the proprietor,

this time with a grin on his face.

"The regiment has taken a vote," he says.

"We'll have a new one."



My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Nov 2010   #477
Phone Man

Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
 
 

A Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer and a Microsoft Engineer were driving to a meeting when there vehicle stopped running. The Mechanical Engineer checked the car and said it was fine. The Electrical Engineer checked it also and found nothing wrong. The Microsoft Engineer closed all the Windows, got out of the car, got back in the car then opened all the Windows and the car started and away they went.

Jim
My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Nov 2010   #478
Phone Man

Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
 
 

What's sad about 5 Lawyers going over a cliff in a 1956 Buick.







The Buick seats 6.

Jim
My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Nov 2010   #479
Trucidation

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BrightBlessings View Post
"We'll have a new one."
Oh lawd, eww
My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Nov 2010   #480
lorddenis

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by evil c View Post

A woman went into a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.

There was a sign on the cage that said £20.00.

"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I have to tell you that this bird has lived in a House of Prostitution for the past twenty years and sometimes it says some pretty rough stuff."

The woman thought about this, but eventually decided that at the price she had to have the bird anyway. So she took it home, hung the parrot's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The parrot looked around the room, then at her, turned his head to one side and said, "New house, new Madam!"

The woman was a bit offended at the implication, but then thought, "Well, it could be worse."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new Madam, new girls!"

The girls were also a bit offended by the parrot’s comments, but then they began to laugh, considering how and where it had been living for the past twenty years.

A few minutes later, the woman's husband Frank came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Frank."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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