Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 748
    Windows 7 32 bit
       #491

    The Howling Wolves said:
    A Little Christmas Story


    When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
    Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
    When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
    Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
    Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
    Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
    The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
    And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
    Not a lot of people know this
    ABSOBLOODYLUTELYBRILLIANT!!!
      My Computer


  2. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit
       #492

    EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

    Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of
    room at each side.

    With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
    your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full
    minute, and then relax.

    Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
    longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

    Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you
    can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight
    for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)


    After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.
      My Computer


  3. Posts : 22,814
    W 7 64-bit Ultimate
       #493

    BrightBlessings said:
    EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

    Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of
    room at each side.

    With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
    your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full
    minute, and then relax.

    Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
    longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

    Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you
    can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight
    for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)


    After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.


    LMAO!
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 11,991
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #494

    BrightBlessings said:
    EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

    Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of
    room at each side.

    With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
    your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full
    minute, and then relax.

    Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
    longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

    Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you
    can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight
    for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)


    After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.
    Hey, I can do this one!!
      My Computer


  5. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #495

    Got home this afternoon to find the doors and windows wide open........






    What kind of sick person does this to an advent calender
      My Computer


  6. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #496

    pebbly said:
    Got home this afternoon to find the doors and windows wide open........






    What kind of sick person does this to an advent calender
    Probably some sick panda like me............
    Attachment 119839


    Have a delightful week-end..
    Last edited by The Howling Wolves; 09 Dec 2010 at 21:28.
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 1,214
    Windows 7 Ultimate x64 (XP, 98SE, 95, 3.11, DOS 7.10 on VM) + Ubuntu 10.04 LTS Lucid Lynx
       #497

    BrightBlessings said:
    EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

    Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of
    room at each side.

    With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
    your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full
    minute, and then relax.

    Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
    longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

    Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you
    can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight
    for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)


    After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.
    My joke was in KG's. :)
    https://www.sevenforums.com/1078415-post437.html
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 2,493
    Windows 7 64Bit
       #498

    BrightBlessings said:
    EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

    Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of
    room at each side.

    With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
    your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full
    minute, and then relax.

    Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
    longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

    Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you
    can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight
    for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)


    After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.
      My Computer


  9. Posts : 60
    Windows 7 - Home Premium - 64bit (x2)
       #499

    Little Johnny


    Little Johnny cant sleep one night.. so he wonders half asleep into his parents room to find mommy and daddy goin at it like a couple of rabbits... little Johnny turns and runs away... hearing little Johnny's footsteps dad goes to find little Johnny and see how he's doing ^^

    Not finding Little Johnny in his room he walks past the guest bedroom to find to his utter amazement little Johnny giving it to grandma!! Dad yells "Little Johnny what are you doing!!??"

    Not missing a beat little Johnny replies "Not so funny when it's your mother is it!!??"
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 384
    Windows 7 Home Premium x64
       #500

    Loving it.
      My Computer


 
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