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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

02 Dec 2010   #491
andsome

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
A Little Christmas Story


When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not a lot of people know this
ABSOBLOODYLUTELYBRILLIANT!!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Dec 2010   #492
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of
room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full
minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you
can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight
for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)


After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Dec 2010   #493
Bare Foot Kid
Microsoft MVP

W 7 64-bit Ultimate
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BrightBlessings View Post
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of
room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full
minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you
can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight
for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)


After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.


LMAO!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

02 Dec 2010   #494
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BrightBlessings View Post
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of
room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full
minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you
can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight
for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)


After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.
Hey, I can do this one!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Dec 2010   #495
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Got home this afternoon to find the doors and windows wide open........






What kind of sick person does this to an advent calender
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Dec 2010   #496
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
Got home this afternoon to find the doors and windows wide open........






What kind of sick person does this to an advent calender
Probably some sick panda like me............
Attachment 119839


Have a delightful week-end..
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Dec 2010   #497
gladson1976

Windows 7 Ultimate x64 (XP, 98SE, 95, 3.11, DOS 7.10 on VM) + Ubuntu 10.04 LTS Lucid Lynx
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BrightBlessings View Post
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of
room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full
minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you
can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight
for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)


After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.
My joke was in KG's.
https://www.sevenforums.com/1078415-post437.html
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Dec 2010   #498
lorddenis

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BrightBlessings View Post
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of
room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full
minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you
can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight
for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)


After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Dec 2010   #499
targnik

Windows 7 - Home Premium - 64bit (x2)
 
 
Little Johnny

Little Johnny cant sleep one night.. so he wonders half asleep into his parents room to find mommy and daddy goin at it like a couple of rabbits... little Johnny turns and runs away... hearing little Johnny's footsteps dad goes to find little Johnny and see how he's doing ^^

Not finding Little Johnny in his room he walks past the guest bedroom to find to his utter amazement little Johnny giving it to grandma!! Dad yells "Little Johnny what are you doing!!??"

Not missing a beat little Johnny replies "Not so funny when it's your mother is it!!??"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Dec 2010   #500
Fluffy

Windows 7 Home Premium x64
 
 

Loving it.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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