Windows 7 Forums
Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

08 Dec 2010   #551
gladson1976

Windows 7 Ultimate x64 (XP, 98SE, 95, 3.11, DOS 7.10 on VM) + Ubuntu 10.04 LTS Lucid Lynx
 
 

Heard this from Calvin

What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe with Lassie ?















A Melon - Collie baby
My System SpecsSystem Spec
08 Dec 2010   #552
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

WORLD RESTAURANT

Waitress: Hawaii, Mister? You must be Hungary.


Gent: Yes, Siam. And I can't Rumania long, either. Venice lunch ready?


Waitress: I'll Russia table. What are you Ghana Havre? Aix?


Gent: You want Tibet? I prefer Turkey. Can Jamaica cook step on the Gaza bit?


Waitress: Odessa laugh! Alaska, but listen for his Wales.


Gent: I'm not Balkan. Just put a Cuba sugar in my Java.


Waitress: Don't you be Sicily, big boy. Sweden it yourself. I'm only here to Serbia.


Gent: Denmark my check and call the Bosphorus, Egypt me.
There's an Eire. I hope he'll Kenya. I don't Bolivia know who I am!


Waitress: Canada noise! I don't Caribbean. You sure Ararat!


Gent: Samoa your wisecracks? What's got India?
D'you think this arguing Alps business? Why be so Chile? Be Nice!


Waitress: Don't Kiev me that Boulogne! Alemain do! Spain in the neck.
Pay your Czech and don't Kuwait. Ayssinia!


Gent (to himself): I'll come back with my France and Taiwan when Zanzibar is open.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
08 Dec 2010   #553
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by gladson1976 View Post
Heard this from Calvin

What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe with Lassie ?


A Melon - Collie baby
GROAN! I love it!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

09 Dec 2010   #554
andsome

 

GROAN!!!!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Dec 2010   #555
Tews

64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
 
 

A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.

They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland .

Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal.

Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time.

Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers.

Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.

Quote:
Dear Maggie,

I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove).

These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.

Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.

I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love,

Chris
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Dec 2010   #556
Kari

 

Nice one, Tom!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Dec 2010   #557
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

LMAO! You wouldn't happen to know this Chris by any chance?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Dec 2010   #558
DreemWarrior

Windows 7 ultimate X64
 
 

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well." OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea! A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both colla pse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself , this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Dec 2010   #559
lorddenis

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by DreemWarrior View Post
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well." OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea! A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both colla pse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself , this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Dec 2010   #560
Dinesh

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)
 
 

Good one DreemWarrior.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools


Similar help and support threads
Thread Forum
Jokes Thread [4]
No sex after surgery ... A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
Chillout Room
Computer jokes!
Rules: ------------------ One joke per post No repeating of jokes ------------------ Il start: What do you call a computer with no graphics?
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread [3]
:note: continued from - https://www.sevenforums.com/chillout-room/106614-jokes-thread-2 ****** 22 ADULT TRUTHS ****** 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you...
Chillout Room
IT Jokes
If you can read German, then you will appreciate: Die schlechtesten IT-Witze - Derber Humor ohne Gewähr | TecChannel.de
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
Person 1:Knock Knock Person 2:Whos there? Person 1: Boo Person 2: Boo who? :huh: Person 1: ZOMG WHY U CRYIN??!? :p
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room


Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 22:57.
Twitter Facebook Google+ Seven Forums iOS App Seven Forums Android App