Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 11,991
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #561

    Tews said:
    A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend...
    [/QUOTE]

    That is hilarious!!!
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  2. Posts : 11,991
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #562

    DreemWarrior said:
    The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? ..."
    Another hilarious one. Very good.
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  3. Posts : 3
    Windows 7 Pro x64
       #563

    Two parrots sat on a perch...
    One says "Can you smell fish?"
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  4. Posts : 384
    Windows 7 Home Premium x64
       #564

    Grimmy said:
    Two parrots sat on a perch...
    One says "Can you smell fish?"
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  5. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #565

    My New ATV


    After all these years, I'm finally getting tired of those useless Christmas gifts that always show up.

    So I decided to get out early and get something I've always wanted.

    I Went out and bought myself one of those all-terrain 4-wheel things.

    Wife wasn't too excited about it, but now that she's seen all the fun I've had with it, she agrees it was a good move.

    I've enclosed a picture of my friend, (I’m taking the picture) playing with it out in the country.
    Last edited by Hopalong X; 26 Jan 2011 at 09:32.
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  6. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #566

    Hopalong X said:
    After all these years, I'm finally getting tired of those useless Christmas gifts that always show up.

    So I decided to get out early and get something I've always wanted.

    I Went out and bought myself one of those all-terrain 4-wheel things.

    Wife wasn't too excited about it, but now that she's seen all the fun I've had with it, she agrees it was a good move.

    I've enclosed a picture of my friend, (Iím taking the picture) playing with it out in the country.
    Mike,
    Hope you will obey all traffic signs and don't get any tickets for speeding.
    I don't want you sitting next to me in Dumb Dumb Driver's School.
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  7. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #567

    When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.


    Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

    When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

    Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

    Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

    Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

    The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

    And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

    Not very many people know this.

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  8. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #568

    The Howling Wolves said:
    Mike,
    Hope you will obey all traffic signs and don't get any tickets for speeding.
    I don't want you sitting next to me in Dumb Dumb Driver's School.
    Hey your the one taking the pic. Must be Poobah driving.
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  9. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #569

    Mike,
    While you were taking the picture I was behind you taking this photo.
    This is the real all terrain 4 wheeler that you are capable of driving...........on sidewalks!
    Attachment 122401

    Sorry Mike,
    Couldn't find a safety helmet to go over your Cowboy hat....
    Last edited by The Howling Wolves; 07 Mar 2011 at 17:44.
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  10. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit
       #570

    Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower.
    Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet.
    As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat. About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
    They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation,
    Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.
    The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her.
    Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."
    The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed."






    An elephant asked a camel, "Why are your breasts on your back?"

    'Well,' said the camel, 'I think that's an entirely inappropriate question from somebody whose dick is on his face.'
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