Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #591

    profdlp said:
    xarden said:
    BB has the recipe for the cake.
    Delicious too.
    I'll shay itsh delishushush. I drink think I'll make shum more tomorrow..
    OHHH my you guys are sooooo funny.. Attachment 123728
    Last edited by LADYPINKtomato1; 18 Dec 2010 at 17:05.
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  2. Posts : 53,657
    Windows 10 Home x64
       #592

    A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

    There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

    The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

    Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

    They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.

    Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,

    "OK, I give up. Where's the f-ing ship?"

    A Guy
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  3. Posts : 1,214
    Windows 7 Ultimate x64 (XP, 98SE, 95, 3.11, DOS 7.10 on VM) + Ubuntu 10.04 LTS Lucid Lynx
       #593

    Top Ten Bumper Stickers for the Starship Enterprise


    Top Ten Bumper Stickers for the Starship Enterprise

    1. Our other starship separates into THREE pieces!
    2. One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it.
    3. HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!
    4. Guns don't kill people, Mark VII phaser rifles do.
    5. Zero to warp 9.7 in 3 seconds!
    6. CAUTION! We have a trigger-happy Klingon at tactical!
    7. If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?
    8. Have you hugged a Ferengi Today?
    9. Wesley on board!
    10. We break for cubes.

    Courtesy: Top Ten Bumper Stickers for the Starship Enterprise
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  4. Posts : 384
    Windows 7 Home Premium x64
       #594

    Hehe loving it.
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  5. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #595

    My brain had a Registry Error.

    I ran SFC/ scannow.

    The report said it found nothing!

    My doctor said the CT Scan found the same thing!
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  6. Posts : 11,991
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #596

    I can relate!
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  7. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #597

    Hopalong X said:
    My brain had a Registry Error.

    I ran SFC/ scannow.

    The report said it found nothing!

    My doctor said the CT Scan found the same thing!
    Mike,
    Having the doctor saying he found nothing in the CT Scan was a given.
    We all could have told you that, even Topper, before you spent the money!
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  8. Posts : 2,737
    Windows 7 Enterprise (x64); Windows Server 2008 R2 (x64)
       #598

    gladson1976 said:
    Top Ten Bumper Stickers for the Starship Enterprise

    1. Our other starship separates into THREE pieces!
    2. One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it.
    3. HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!
    4. Guns don't kill people, Mark VII phaser rifles do.
    5. Zero to warp 9.7 in 3 seconds!
    6. CAUTION! We have a trigger-happy Klingon at tactical!
    7. If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?
    8. Have you hugged a Ferengi Today?
    9. Wesley on board!
    10. We break for cubes.
    Courtesy: Top Ten Bumper Stickers for the Starship Enterprise
    Fantastic from a person that visits Risa a lot! :)
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  9. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #599

    A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

    Doctor: "What happened?"

    Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

    Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed and is asleep."

    Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

    Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

    Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?
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  10. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #600

    The Howling Wolves said:
    Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?

    Shouldn't laugh, domestic violence is a serious problem, but this is simply hilarious!
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