Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 748
    Windows 7 32 bit
       #601

    Brilliant
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  2. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #602

    Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet, Biscuit - the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?

    So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awoke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's a*** and a car hit us both.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

    They won't let me shop there anymore.
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  3. Posts : 11,991
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #603

    I love it!!
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  4. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #604

    pebbly said:
    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's a*** and a car hit us both.
    I never learn, always coming to this thread drinking coffee...

    Kathryn, would you prefer to wash my trousers, or pay the dry cleaners?
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  5. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #605

    Kari said:
    pebbly said:
    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's a*** and a car hit us both.
    I never learn, always coming to this thread drinking coffee...

    Kathryn, would you prefer to wash my trousers, or pay the dry cleaners?
    Just send the bill Kari
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  6. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #606

    Be careful there Kari, she may decide to lick it off.
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  7. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #607

    jfar said:
    Be careful there Kari, she may decide to lick it off.
    sigh , It's been a long time since I've said this but....... jfar naughty step now !
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  8. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #608

    Kari , move away from the coffee cup !


    Englishman Irishman Scotsman and Welshman take their sons to meet each other one night when they have a pint together..

    The Englishman introduces his first: "This is my son George, he was born on St. George's day"

    The Scotsman then makes his introduction: "This is my son Andrew, he was born on St. Andrew's day"

    The Welshman then introduces his son: "This is my son David, he was born on St. David's day"

    They all look at the Irishman expectantly, who goes red in the face. The Irishman takes his son's hand and says "This is feckin' embarrassing, c'mon Pancake, we're leaving!"
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  9. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #609

    Very Good, I nearly fell off the naughty step there, I'd say he was born on a Tuesday.
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  10. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #610

    jfar said:
    Very Good, I nearly fell off the naughty step there, I'd say he was born on a Tuesday.
    Alright jfar you can get off the step now
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