Jokes Thread 2

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  1. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #631

    LPt.
    Their looking for her now..............
    Attachment 125246

    Which way did she go?
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  2. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #632

    I'm in hiding
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  3. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #633

    Pebbly,
    I will find you.................
    Attachment 125256

    Come out with your hands up!
    Attachment 125255
    Last edited by The Howling Wolves; 30 Jan 2011 at 17:05.
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  4. Posts : 1,573
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64 bit SP1
       #634

    jfar said:
    Attachment 125012


    Doug was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
    When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he
    decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

    One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had
    ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

    "I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my
    father will die and I will inherit $200 million."

    Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became
    his stepmother.

    Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

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  5. Posts : 1,573
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64 bit SP1
       #635

    pebbly said:
    Most people nowadays think it improper to discipline children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have had one of 'those moments.'

    Since I'm a pilot, one that I have found very effective is for me to just take the child for a flight in the plane during which I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behaviour.

    I don't know whether it's the steady vibration from the engines, or just the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games, computer, iPod, etc.

    Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our flight together. I believe that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an important element in achieving the desired results.

    I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.
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  6. Posts : 1,573
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64 bit SP1
       #636

    Well I certainly can't top those one's, this one is dumb but:
    A guy walks into his Doctor's office with a frog on his head, the Doctor says "What can I do for you?" and the frog says "Can you get this wart off my butt?"
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  7. Posts : 1,035
    Vista 64 Ultimate, Windows 7 64 Ultimate, Ubuntu 9.10
       #637

    A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson for Christmas. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

    A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.

    She says, ''Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?''

    He says, ''Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.''

    She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

    He says, ''That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."

    She says, ''It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!''

    As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

    ''Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,'' he says.

    She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

    The man rings up the sale and says, ''That'll be $34.50 please.''

    The woman is totally confused by this and asks, ''Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?''

    He replies, ''Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Stink Bait is $3.50"
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  8. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #638

    If this is too dirty for anybody, I advise you not to read it, you've been warned.


    An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker. "Hey, how much you charge for dahour, sister?" he asks.

    "100," she replies.

    In broken English, he says, "Do you do immigrant style?"

    "No" she says.

    "I pay you 200 to do immigrant style."

    "No," she says, not knowing what immigrant style is.

    "I pay you 300."

    "No," she says.

    "I pay you 400."

    "No," she says.

    So finally he says, "OK, I pay 1,000 to do immigrant style."

    She thinks, "Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world. How bad could immigrant style be?"

    So she agrees and has sex with him. Finally, after several hours,they finish.

    Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So, what exactly is immigrant style?"

    The illegal immigrant replies, "You send bill to Government"
    Last edited by jfar; 21 Dec 2010 at 11:34.
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  9. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #639

    Good one jfar
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  10. Posts : 2,493
    Windows 7 64Bit
       #640

    pebbly said:
    Most people nowadays think it improper to discipline children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have had one of 'those moments.'

    Since I'm a pilot, one that I have found very effective is for me to just take the child for a flight in the plane during which I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behaviour.

    I don't know whether it's the steady vibration from the engines, or just the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games, computer, iPod, etc.

    Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our flight together. I believe that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an important element in achieving the desired results.

    I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.
      My Computer


 
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