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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

02 Jan 2011   #691
DocBrown

Win7 Enterprise, Win7 x86 (Ult 7600), Win7 x64 Ult 7600, TechNet RTM on AMD x64 (2.8Ghz)
 
 

This blonde is on main street and she sees this t.v. in the window. So she walks in and says to the man at the counter, "I would like to buy the t.v. in the window, please." "Sorry, we don't sale to blondes," replied the dude at the counter. The blonde left, a little sad and puzzled.

She goes home and dyes her hair brown. She went back to the store and says to the same man at the counter: "I would like to buy the t.v. in the window, please." "Sorry, still don't sale to blondes." The blonde was getting mad now. 'I'll fix him' she thought to herself.

So she goes home and dyes her hair black this time. "Alright, I'd like to buy the t.v. in the window, please." "Look, lady, we don't sale to blondes." The blonde stood there for a minute. "How do you keep knowing it was me?"









"I know it's you because that in the window is a microwave."
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02 Jan 2011   #692
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Jfar,

Enough already. Just serve me my scrambled eggs and be on your way! hehehehe
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02 Jan 2011   #693
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Attachment 128616
Dennis hi... I think this wolf is one of the best I've seen , maybe you can do a reverse on it for you and Donna.. it's up to you.
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.

02 Jan 2011   #694
Kari

 

A catholic priest, let's call him Father John, was in train travelling cross Europe back home from an international interfaith ecumenical meeting. The whole week of meetings, lectures and seminars was although very giving, also very exhausting.

When Father John finally arrived to his parish and went home, his housekeeper noticed everything was not fine. Father was exhausted, went to bed and could not get up the following morning. Housekeeper called paramedics but before the ambulance arrived, Father John collapsed. He was rushed to St. Mary's hospital, where no reason was found to his condition. Doctors diagnosed Father John as being exhausted from a strong religious experience, devoted and known believer as he was.

Father John was unconscious for five days. Only a few moments before he woke up, a young woman died in the same hospital when giving birth to a baby boy. The mother had told personnel she's all alone in the world, with no living relatives, so nurses and doctors decided to do the human thing and brought newborn baby boy to Father John's bed, thinking that the presence of a child might help Father John to wake up. This worked, and Father John woke up only to find himself holding a new born baby in a hospital bed. Amazed he crossed his hands and said "Thank you, my dear God. Thank you!"

Everything was fine now. Father John had gotten a son, thinking how wonderful things God is capable to do, and the baby got a father and a Christian home. Father John named the boy Arthur. Years went by, Arthur became an adult and was finally leaving home to go to college. Last evening home, Father John finally decided to tell Arthur the truth.

- "Dear Arthur, I know this is going to shock you but I really need to tell you this. I am not your real father."
- "What are you saying, dad?", asked Arthur.
- "Please do not be angry to me but I'm really your mother. I gave birth to you in St. Mary's hospital."
- "Please dad, stop that. That does not make sense!", Arthur said.
- "No Arthur. We have to clear this now. I'm your mother. You were named after your father, archbishop Arthur who I met in an ecumenical meeting..."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Jan 2011   #695
jfar

Vista Ult64, Win7600
 
 

Nice one Kari, now That's an Ecumenical Matter.
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03 Jan 2011   #696
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

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03 Jan 2011   #697
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.
He eventually decides to go and see a doctor.. ...The doctor said,
'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will
require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press
on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way
to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.' Joe was shocked and depressed. He
wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt
like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like
a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.' Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?' Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'


Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.' Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
'How about some new underwear?' Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure...'
The salesman said, 'Let's see... size 36.


Joe laughed, 'Aha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old...'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34.
A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give
you one hell of a headache.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Jan 2011   #698
fishnbanjo

Vista 64 Ultimate, Windows 7 64 Ultimate, Ubuntu 9.10
 
 

This is what I've heard as the ending to this.....

How about some new underwear?' Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure...'
The salesman said, 'Let's see... size 36 boxer shorts.


Joe laughed, 'Aha! I got you! I've worn size 34 Jockey's since I was 18 years old and never wore boxer shorts in my life...'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34 let alone Jockey Shorts.
A size 34 Jockey would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give
you one hell of a headache.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Jan 2011   #699
WindowsStar

Windows 7 Enterprise (x64); Windows Server 2008 R2 (x64)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.
He eventually decides to go and see a doctor.. ...The doctor said,
'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will
require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press
on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way
to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.' Joe was shocked and depressed. He
wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt
like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like
a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.' Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?' Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'


Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.' Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
'How about some new underwear?' Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure...'
The salesman said, 'Let's see... size 36.


Joe laughed, 'Aha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old...'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34.
A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give
you one hell of a headache.'
Wow! I have never seen it this way, this one is short. The one I have seen is much longer and includes a wife, how bad he feels, and how she tries to keep him happy.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Jan 2011   #700
profdlp

Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by WindowsStar View Post
...The one I have seen is much longer and includes a wife, how bad he feels, and how she tries to keep him happy.
It'd be a little late for that, eh?
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